My Broken Heart
by Stephanie H.
On August 26, 2010 I had to put down my first Cat. His name was Cameron but we called him Tooney. We called him many things, as we have all sorts of nicknames for our fur babies. Three years previous we had rushed him to the vet because he had a tumor and it turned out to be cancer. The cancer was a particularly nasty, aggressive type that promised to come back if they didn't get it all. Unfortunately the cancer came as a result of the surgery we had for him 2 years previous to repair a ruptured diaphram that threatened his breathing. We couldn't afford chemo that only MAY have cured him for $6000.00 and a month away from us. Our babies had never been away from us, and we weren't going to make him suffer. Sadly we noticed the tumor had returned, it was inoperable and we knew we were seeing our last months with him. We tried to make things good for him. His last 4 months we spoiled the crap outta him and all of our babies. On August 25th, I went to look for him and he was laying in the cat box. He was a good boy even to the end, he was trying to use it and lost the ability to walk. We knew the time had come. Cameron hated the car so we arranged for our vet to come to our home. On August 26 at approximately 3:10pm, my baby took his last breath. I held him and we stood by the window while I gently rocked him and held him, speaking quietly and telling him he was a good boy and it was okay to go. I reassurred him that I loved him and that I always would love him. He died in my arms, his favorite place to be. My heart broke in a million pieces. We buried him with some treats,a mouse he loved, some fresh cat nip and a towel in a makeshit coffin. My heart broke. The next few days I could barely move. One month later his twin sister Haley, stopped eating and drinking and just wouldn't get better, so in one month on September 26, 2010 I held my second baby while she died as I whispered it was okay to go, and that she was so very loved. My heart still breaks. I miss them every day. I am so grateful that I had them to love and that I was there to send them to another place. Unfortunately, all I do is think about when I will lose the next of my babies. Sometimes it is all too much, and like now I am overcome by grief, and I cry.