My Brother died

by Hazel
(Scotland)

I am one of ten Traveller Siblings, and I only just found out that my favourite brother had died, and he made his children promise to have him cremated, with no newpaper announcements, and no grave.
I lost my father without seeing him for loads of years, and I deeply regreted that, but I had an agoraphobic condition at the time, and I just went into numbness for quite a few years, and I felt so guilty that I split up with my husband etc.
When my mother got ill I deliberately moved close to her and spent around six months with her before she died. I am not good at being there at the end, but I saw her a week before she died, and was Ok about her death, and I grieved normally.
Some years later, my oldest brother died, having not been part of the family for a long time, and I managed that ok too as he was getting on when I was born. Then a sister died and I managed to see her about a week before she passed away, and I coped with that too.
Another sister died some years later, and I knew that she was dying aand I accepted her death, owing to she had three strokes in a row over about a year. I spent a lot of time with her over about five years prior to her death.
My brothers death has hit me so hard as he looked over me in my childhood and he was always there whenever I turned around-even after he got married. My problem is that Ihad not seen him for twenty five years owing to him being a proper traveller and always moving about-also there was a family dispute and I was not his favourite person. However, during his dying weeks when he was on morphine for the pain, he called out for me all the time asking where I was. I had been given to understand that he did not want to see me(in no uncertain terms)over the past twenty five years- also I thought that he was alive and healthy- when in fact he had been dead for over a year. I cannot seem to get over this death.

Comments for My Brother died

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Jul 31, 2012
My Brother died
by: Doreen U.K.

Hazel you could benefit from seeing a grief counsellor to help you through your grief as it is more complex due to the length of time you were apart from your brother who cared for you, and the recent events. A counsellor is trained to ask the right questions and help you find the answers so that you can move forward better than if you just grieved by yourself. You need to find those missing answers and tie up those loose ends. So that your grief is complete.
I was born in Scotland. I am aware of the tight community but also of the warmth of the natives of Scotland. they do pull together as a people. You come from a fractured family and we are all fractured in some way but some more than others.
Families separate for many reasons and when a death occurs this shatters our world. Especially in your case because you were led to believe that you were the cause of a dispute and separation from the family. Your brother was looking for you at the time he was on his deathbed. He needed to say SORRY to you. He needed to put things right before he died. He did not get the chance to do this. It is UNFINISHED BUSINESS. You both did not get to meet and say your good-bye's this is a painfull grief. A grief counsellor could benefit you at this time.

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