My brother, My Best Friend

by Sasha
(Haledon, NJ)

My life was forever changed by one phone call on May 19, 2012. My cousin Nancy was screaming hysterically into the phone 'Al is dead! Al is dead'. I didn't believe her- I started calling him over and over and over, until my phone was taken from me.
He was and still is my best. Everyone that came into his life, all have reached out to me and let me know how lucky they were to have known him.
He was always my first call for everything that was going on in my life. The wake and funeral were a blur- he was a Marine and ad a military funeral. I adopted his beloved German Shepherd, Magnum.
As the days went on, I stopped living. I was a shell of a person. I retreated into my room and stopped talking- everyone kept saying the pain would get better in time, that's the biggest lie ever told. The pain is always a fresh wound.
I don't know where I go from here. I just want him back. I never thought I would ever say I'm going to see my brother and I'm driving to the cemetery.
I feel stuck. I've been working really hard with my therapist and psychiatrist. But no matter how hard I put the work in, I cry daily.
The only thing I have that no one can ever take away from me was the way we ended every call 'I love You'.

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Jul 03, 2014
I promise...
by: Anonymous

My older brother passed away a year and six weeks ago today. My Mum called me from the hospital to tell me that he was dead. I cried and screamed hysterically over the phone for ages. I told her she was lying, I cursed, I sobbed and vomited but he was gone. And I didn't even get to hold his hand and say goodbye...
For months after, I felt exactly how you described feeling. I know it hurts, and I know the light at the end of the tunnel is invisible right now, and I can't say you will ever stop missing him, but it does get better. You probably don't believe me, but if you hang in there for a little while longer, it will get better. You will be able to move on if you want to. And trust me, you will feel happy again. I promise.

Nov 19, 2013
by: dianne

im so sorry for your loss of your brother and hope in time the emptiness you feel ceases a little for you.I lost my son and can say is hardest thing ever to deal with he was only 21 and will always be my baby it was only this year I lost him 11th july to be exact and not a day goes by that I don't visit his grave and tell him I love him. Al knew you loved him and still do as you said was the last thing you said over the phone to him was I love you hold those feelings deep in your heart he will always be your brother and would have known how much you love him.big hugs to you i wish you well x

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