My Brother Rob & Dealing with Complicated Grief

by Anne Gray Liversidge
(Takoma Park, MD)

(First, I'm glad to find this website and be able to tell this story). My older brother Rob died from side effects of a psychotropic medication on 10/5/02. He collasped into a coma and died shortly thereafter. I didn't really find the words to say goodbye at the hospital since I was in a state of shock. The death scene was surreal, watching both of my long-divorced parents there. I felt pretty inadequate and alone and wish I had been comforted more right then and afterwards.

I developed PTSD after this event, which seemed like too much for my parents. My Dad went back to Maine and my mother later moved to San Diego....since my family had issues, this was really a challenge for me. I am still working on truly accepting what happened. I still feel like I need to grieve "right" and like the Snake Bite, just feel like I was blindsided....I've been to two grief support groups, finally found some good therapy, and hope very soon to put this all in perspective.

About Rob..I'm appreciative that he did his best as an older brother, and have good memories such as when I was in high school and went up to Cornell to one of his parties. I'm glad he came to one of my deaf parties- he "got it". He dealt with a difficult illness and in a way maybe it's good that he's not suffering, but I don't know how to ask him that. I don't know why this happened.

The fallout included that I fell into a deep depression and my mother went off all her medication and moved away so it's a little bit like, "my family's gone...do I matter? where was my life? where am I? what do I do?" It also feels so strange to "outage" Rob..he was 3 1/2 years older than me and 39 when he passed...now I'm almost 44. I've had to work hard to learn to accept, accept, accept what happened and try to move on with my life. I'd welcome any comments. Thanks.

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Jul 13, 2010
Lost My Older Brother
by: Louise

Hi. I'm sorry for your loss of your brother.

I lost my oldest brother on May 28, 2010. I'm raw inside. Right now, I don't even want to talk to my best friend! so, I know I'm grieving. I get out and do Some things, and Some things around my house, but I just don't feel right inside. Empty and annoyed at everything and everybody these past few days. I have to remind myself that it's only been a month and a half. It seems like he died so long ago and that I should be feeling better all of the time. At night is when I cry so hard. I never knew I had so many tears inside of me. I can be doing something, and all of a sudden, the floodgates open up and I'm sobbing and bawling.

I went to a grief support group for the first time today. It was ok. I did hear some good things, supportive things. But, it won't bring my big brother back. The most comforting thing that I heard is that it gets better. After a while, it won't hurt so bad. I'll never forget him, but his loss won't hurt so bad in time.

Richard was a quiet, non-assuming man. Never hurt anyone and minded his business. He had a loving lady friend and I feel for her as well.

I must say, that writing about this does help. It was real hard for me to get started on my first page yesterday though. I guess it does get better with time.

Take care of yourself.

Jun 27, 2010
DEALING WITH LOSS
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I just lost my 27 year old son Cody. Right now we do not know for sure what killed him. He is on this site under Cody Lee Cole. So I will not go into his full story.

He passed away on May 21, 2010 so my grief is fresh. All I want to do is hide away from everyone and just be alone with my grief. I had 3 children and Cody is the second one that I have lost. My daughter Audrey is 40. She is my oldest child and was 12 years Codys' senior. She is really having a hard time and going to a doctor to help her with her grief. She is at the stage of being angry at everyone and everything.

I know grief takes all forms and is different for everyone. I only have one brother and I have leaned on him a lot over the years and do not like to even think of life without him in it.
I hope that you find ways to deal with your grief and can find some relief from the pain.

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