My BROTHER Tom, my best friend
June 12th, 2013, the worst day of my life. I was in my office at work and got a call from my Aunt who was obviously upset about something. She said, I feel like I have to tell you something because I can't hold it in and wait for you to find out. She told me my brother Tom was in a motorcycle accident and had died. I was instantly in tears and yelling NO and dropped to the floor. Tom was my only brother, me being 31 and him 28. I have lost a lot of family members in my life but this one is the most pain I have ever felt.
Growing up we were always super tight. My parents are the best in the world and kept us together no matter what would happen. If we fought as kids we would have to sit on the couch and hold hands until we were laughing again. We would do everything together. We would get all the same things as kids and share everything. When we grew up he got taller than me, better looking than me, and just all around cooler. I know I taught him many things, and paved the way for a lot of things he did in life, but all the while, I looked up to him. Moving into teen years and adulthood we would hit rough patches here and there. When it came to the last two women that were in his life which spanned about ten years...one broken up with and the next he married...they always tried to separate us and try to make sure he spent as little time as possible around me. I really struggled with that. Even when I moved away after college for a job, moved back for a few years, and moved away again for my recent job, I wish I could have seen him everyday and was able to hang out with him all the time. It got very hard to see him the past five years. We were basically down to just family functions a handful of times a year. I hated that because I missed him a lot. The last time I hung out with him when it was just the two of us, I actually mentioned that we needed to start to make time to see each other. We never got that chance.
Tom leaves behind of wife of almost three years and a son who will be two this December. Our entire family is heartbroken. Tom was the one who could light up any room he walked into in any situation, even if it was a bunch of strangers. He was the man, and I love him so much. It has almost been a month since he was killed and I still can't fathom the fact that I will never get to see him again or hang out. I will never have anyone that close to me in my life. We could be watching something on TV three hundred miles away from each other, not knowing that we were watching the same thing, and text each other at the same exact time about a movie line or Seinfeld episode that was the exact same comment. I will miss little things like that forever. I don't know what to do with myself besides go through the motions and take care of my wife and son and just call and check on friends and family. But at the same time, I can't help myself feel better so how can I help them. There are really no words to describe my grief and I also know in my head that I haven't even processed the reality of it all, and that there are worse emotional times to come. That scares me and I don't have a clue what to do about it. I miss my brother so very much and the worst thing to think about is that there is nothing I can do to change the situation.