My brother passed away almost a year ago (he passed away on May 13th 2011) and I am finding myself often thinking about him and I am overcome with sadness. For a few years prior to his death he started having issues with drugs & alcohol. At first I was young & oblivious to his addictions but 3 years ago he had his first overdose. He made it through it and I told him I loved him and thats when my eyes were opened to his problems. He had overdosed and cheated death yet he still drank and seemed high whenever I would see him. He was an amazing funny and really good hearted person so it was hard to be 100% mad at him but I definitely began to feel angry. I wanted him to be sober and get help but I was confused on how to help...I think my parents were too along with being scared. He got in trouble with the law and had to go to rehab..he told me he was going to change his life when he got out but a month after rehab he overdosed again, this time my mom, dad and I found him in his room unresponsive and with blood on the floor, he was rushed to the hospital where he was in a coma for a few days and where our family literally cried and feared he wouldnt make it. He somehow made it through once again and we were so thankful but so scared about his future. My parents argued over what to do for him and they saw things differently while I began to feel (and maybe this will sound selfish) invisible, unimportant, angry and depressed. I love my brother and I wanted him to be happy without drugs and I wanted him to get help. I was angry because the whole thing was taking over my families lives and I felt like nothing was going to ever change. I started to distance myself ALOT and when I would see him high I would just get mad and I know he knew I felt angry about it. My brother ended up going to jail for a few months for his legal issues. I thought maybe he will change now, he had been sober a few months and to me jail seems like the worst experience. He got out of jail in jan. 2011 and in may he overdosed again and this time he didnt make it. He had a massive heart attack. I have been in immense pain ever since. Each day has gotten a little easier but if I hear a song or something makes me think of him I immediately start to cry. I just have such a overwhelming amount of guilt and sadness about all of this. I miss him so much..he was my best friend growing up and I feel like I abandoned him when he was truly in need of someone. I feel horrible that he felt so alone and sad about his life that he did drugs. I just don't know what to do. It doesnt help that I am confused about my thoughts on heaven and god and faith. I really want to believe but I just don't know. I just had to get my thoughts out so thank you for reading and if anyone has advice and can relate to my situation please respond. I really need help right now.