My Brother

by Marie
(Chicago, IL)

My brother and I were very close, afterall, we were only 18 months apart. I was the older of us two (he was my only sibling). Even though I looked out for him, he looked out for me - he protected me - from everything.

In May 2004, our father (single father who raised us) passed away suddenly from a heart attack about a week after a graduated from college. The same day, 2 years later, in 2006, my brother was in a motorcycle accident and passed away.

He was 22. He was my best friend, and we had just gotten an apartment together about 6 weeks before he died. I was really broken after he passed. I never really talked to anyone about my loss. I had to be strong for the family.

Now, it's almost 7 years later, and I can't stop thinking of him. I miss him so much. What brought me here, is that I was watching a movie where the brother and sister were close - any movie, tv show....anything where I see a brother and sister having a close relationship - I break down in tears. It's been 7 years - is this normal?

I wish I could go back and change things. I miss him SO MUCH!

Comments for My Brother

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Sep 24, 2013
I know exactly what you are going through
by: Anonymous1

I lost my older brother last year to a pulmonary embolism. He died exactly one month after his 38th birthday and tomorrow is the anniversary of his death. Just like you we were 19 months apart and it was just the two of us. Him being a big brother to his little sister and having a special bond that is unbreakable. My foundation crumbled when I saw him laying there cold and lifeless. His beautiful spirit gone from his body and I had just talked to him a day prior. To get a call from his step daughter that she had to call an ambulance was absurd to me. I'm like no... not my MeatHead! Perfectly healthy and stronger than a brick wall. And I have also had to be the strong one but deep inside I am broken. That feeling will never go away and everyday the hospital scene replays in my head and it won't go away.

The first year is the hardest and I blamed myself so much for his death but I am just now realizing, what more could I have done? He didn't know he had a blood clot and neither did I. I miss him every single day. We both work for the Department of Corrections in different areas and it was hard for me to go back to work because he would call me at least twice a week and send me chain mail every day. We always got together on Saturdays because we had weekends off and it was our time to catch up and get the kids together and hang out. Now I spend half of Saturday crying. The hurt will never go away but the pain get's better as time goes on. This is where you need to stop relying on your strength to get you through and lean on God and his strength to see you through the storm. The tools that you would get from the psychologist will cost you a lot and they aren't even that good, but the best tools that you can get come from God and they are perfect and they are free.

You have to continue to talk to his spirit like he never left. He may not be here in the flesh but his spirit and memories will always be with you. My brother comes to me in my dreams and it's like he never left and we are still making memories. So when you talk about your brother, try not to talk about him in the past tense; keep him current, keep him alive because he is very much alive in you.

God Bless you

Aug 21, 2013
You are not alone
by: Sandy

I feel your pain Marie. I lost my only sibling to a road accident 8 years ago. And it was not even his bike. It was just a friend's that he had borrowed for a short distance drive. He was only 19 and I was 20. Although I am a girl, we used to involve in physical fights every single day. My mom used to complain all the time that we don't get along but now she feels worse that she has no one to complain about. We were a very happy small family and now it feels incomplete forever. Along with my brother, I lost a best friend. I spent every day of all my cognitive life with him. I was out of town on a school trip and I got a call the 2nd day that my brother was in an accident. I took an overnight bus and went to find out that he passed away. It was his birthday yesterday and I miss him more than ever. Nothing can ever replace him. We can never get over it. Time doesn't seem to heal the pain. The first few weeks after he was gone, I prayed and hoped that it was all just a bad dream. I woke up every morning wishing I'd see my brother that day. I didn't want to believe that a part of me was missing. Now, 8 years later, I don't feel any less pain. My heart still aches that this happened to me and I can't control my tears. I feel weak, lost and as if god is playing a cruel joke on me. I want my brother back. I want to be with him.

Jun 16, 2013
Losing an only sibling
by: Orko

Hi Marie, I know what pain you are going through. I lost my only sister, my best friend, the safekeeper of all my secrets 5 months back. I feel like I am ALL ALONE in this world.Somehow even the best of friends can never ever fill the void left by a sibling. I cry too every time i see siblings in movies or in real life. You can never stop missing them. But if you really grieve well and true, the pain becomes a little bit bearable in time. Allow yourself to grieve. I am 23 and i felt like i will not be able to go on, fervently praying that I die, many times in the last five months. But I chose to live so that my love for her can continue to live, so that i can keep telling tales of how beautiful, kind and loving she was. The love never dies and you need to find strength in that love. I know I have. Take care and be well.

May 08, 2013
its normal i feel your pain
by: Anonymous

It all ok and normal to feel that way and u may always feel that lost..I lost my brother in 2001 he was only 18, my parents only shortly divorced , horrible car accdent... five kids in the car ranging from 15 to 18 3 died including an only set of siblngs and my brother.. the other two critically injured and hospotalized for months .. a month after the accident my gpa passed at a ripe age considering.. and then I found out I was pregnent (oops) all within a year...anyways God only gives us what we can handle it also makes us stronger when need be and we will always miss our very much loved siblings , and maybe wonder what things would be like if they were around..its been twelve years and I still dream about and miss him he was my only sibling....but all things have a purpose ...Im sure things are better there anyways

May 07, 2013
my brother
by: Anonymous

hi,marie i am very sorry about your loss.i lost my only sibling,my brother in a motorbike accident recently and few years ago i lost my mom.i am in my early 20's.i can understand what you mean by being reminded of your brother whenever you see a show where the siblings have good relation,i feel the same way.i had a great relation with my brother,we were very close.its normal to miss our loved ones because that means how much we love them,may god give you strength and happiness so that your wounded heart can heal.we can never forget them and i think thats okay because i would want to keep the memories of my loved ones alive.

May 04, 2013
My Brother
by: Doreen U.K.

Marie I am sorry for your loss of your brother 7yrs. ago and your father 9yrs. ago.
You asked if it is normal for you to feel grief after 7yrs? YES! ONLY because you didn't deal with your loss of your brother. You perhaps never grieved for your father and so the two losses are causing you problems. Repressed grief can manifest itself in depression. The films you watch about brother's and sister's is what is acting as triggers to stir up your grief. You may need to see a grief counsellor in order to deal with your repressed grief. You said you were busy supporting the family. This is what usually happens in a family. some people who are supporting other's needs are the ones who end up struggling with grief but by the time they go on each day their grief goes underground and they can't resolve their feelings. Triggers happen all the time and then the grief starts pressing for resolution. If you do nothing about this you will go on suffering and depression may set in more. It will then take longer for recovery. I repressed my feelings for over 40yrs. and ended up in counselling for a few years to resolve my losses. It was more painful and took longer and was more expensive. Counselling was the best investment I made. I have a life that has released me from being in a prison of grief and I got my life back in ways I never dreamed of. I found life for the first time in my 40's. It is my mission to help others to find the same freedom and help them have a better quality of life like they never dreamed they could have when HEALING takes place. Life doesn't have to stay this way for you. It is hard work. But worth the effort. You can't put a price on how you will feel when you take this first step to find yourself and Heal from your loss of your brother and father.

May 04, 2013
My brother
by: Anonymousleticia

To my brother, it's very hard to loss someone love. I loss my oldest in a car accident due to a heart attack. I know the pain. I wish I could have him back. He was a great single father that did all with them. He joined a wihnactivity in sports and school. He was so Hubble and loved his five children without there mother that didn't want them at all. I was so heart broken I couldn't stop crying for him and was in denial. All I ask god why. Why not me. He was the best of my three children's and set a great example to love acre for the. Give them great advise and worked so hard to give them what the need. We miss he so much. I started a grieving support my area. I count regret to go. Your with so many that had loss you family member or closer friend. It has stop crying and look forward to these support group. I hope I have help you. It's on been7 months I love him. There no day I miss him and my hard sink. Be I am much better. Remember will be with them again with open arm. May god bless you and pray and get help and never lose that faith. Love Leticia

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