I found my 59 year old brother July 16th 2012. He was 59 years old. I am 56 and he was the last member of my immediate family' I am married and have young children but I feel I loved my brother more. My friend, my confident, the love of my life. We both drank. I believe drinking had a part in his sudden death. I was angry at him for yelling at me on fourth of july for drinking too much,,,which I did.
I feel very,very guilty for being angry with him,,,my best friend. Maybe my example of drinking helped him to drink also. He was a diabetic. I believe if I was there for him, he would not have died. I no longer want to live and hate myself for being cruel.
We were away for the weekend he died. His phone was busy and I found him on a Monday. We spoke Friday and he said he'd watch the house and feed the dogs. No problem he said and we were very friendly.
I tried to rouse his deceased body, coroner said 12 to 36 hours. No autopsy, even though I wanted one. He said death was natural but I don't know what killed my brother. Diabetes, alcohol or my neglect of him,
I am on Prozack and have had counseling, but I still feel guilty for my brother's death.
I actually WANT TO GO TO **LL if I hurt my brother in any way.
He was always,,,always there for me.
I miss him so much! He talked to me like no other. What a black,empty hole. All I do is teach, eat, read and go to bed. I hate everything.
Any advice??? I am drinking again. I can't stop but I believe I can control it. The last drink I had was on his discovery and I was sober for a year and a half and now am back. I am controlling myself.
Why did he have to die. I lost my mom and dad to dreadful diseases and we never recovered from that!!!! Now I lost my brother and my childhood home,
I can't take anymore disappointment.
If you have any advice, or would like to speak with me, please advise me. I feel my life is over. I even quit my religion as we prayed fervently all our lives,,,,,for what???
There are so many bums and druggies living perfect lives. This is so unfair..... Help