My Brother...he was the best.

by Danielle
(New Jersey)

It has been 7 1/2 months since we lost my brother to Pancreatic Cancer. He fought the good fight...he never complained....the battle was lost. I can't help but ask, "Why?". I know I will never have an answer, however I can't seem to move past the anger and overwhelming sadness I feel for all that he will miss. He was only 45 years old. There was so much left to do. He was so good. I remember within the 24 hours of his death, when it became evident to him that the time was near, he was overcome with,well,I don't know exactly how he felt. I can only imagine. He was not ready. He could not catch his breath at times. He seemed so afraid. Although, I am eternally grateful he was surrounded by so much love for those final, profound moments, it was the most heart wrenching experience of my life. The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming. Although, since his diagnosis, we had all watched his body give way to this horrific disease....this could NOT be happening. There is no way to prepare for what was apparently meant to be. To lose a sibling is like losing a part of one's self. I guess I never expected that. It's so difficult to put into words, but I feel lost without him. I feel that I will be this sad forever. How could I not? He's not coming back. My brother was the best person I have ever known. He was kind, generous, funny...a blessing to everyone who had the good fortune to have known him. I miss him every day and will for the rest of my life.

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