My cat Fern

by Jessica

beyond beauty

beyond beauty

beyond beauty
this pretty much sums it up!

Please read the story in its entirety before jumping to any conclusions about her outdoor access. I lost my cat Fern three days ago to a car. I had her for just about three years. She was my entire world. I always knew I was an animal lover, but the love that we had transcended species, and we developed our own language that only the two of us could understand. And we spoke it often! I would talk to her so much that people in the house thought I had company up in my room. She was there every night at bed time, and rubbing all over me to wake me up every morning. She was also there to “approve or disapprove” of some of the guy friends I had over! Shadowing behind me through every room I entered and exited. She even had to be in the bathroom when I was showering (or right outside the door) or else she would “scream” to get into the bathroom. She had a little raspy voice that made the sweetest sounds. She was there by my side at all times. Looking back she’s sitting in so many pictures where I didn’t notice her before. She was literally always there, somehow some way.
That is, when she wasn’t outside exploring. And it would always slightly panic me, thinking about her being outside, but she proved herself out there over the years to the point where I finally did gradually back off with my supervision, still frequently checking on her. And honestly, ever since she was a kitten, she was always gunning for the door. She knew that that was where the world really was. Outside of the nest. About 5 months ago, I moved to a new property where the street was a lot busier than last year. I was hastily looking for apartments and found this room to rent and intended that I would keep her inside due to the traffic conditions on the road in front of our house. But, low and behold, if she wanted a way out, SHE FOUND A WAY OUT. She would dart out that front door so fast that you couldn’t even see it let alone stop it. And trust me, I would try and keep her in, especially at night. But this girl was a wild one. With an angel’s face. She was one of those cats that you thought was invincible… you think they’re just too amazing to go. Too loved to go. Too special. But I realize now that when I let her outside, over the years, virtually unattended, that I was letting her belong to the whole world. And all of its dangers.
I am looking to hear from people that understand that me letting her outside was not a matter of neglect, but a matter of respect for her desires and needs that I just personally don’t have and don’t understand. I knew deep down that there was no artificial world I could build for her that would provide for her the same thrills as seeing the world, wild and free. She would look up at me with these wild eyes, her back haunches shaking, and she had something out there to go get. And aside from her owner, I was her friend, and I wasn’t about to keep her from at least TRYING to go get it. She was my Fernicia. My Fern Burn. My super special. My Tumble-ina. My Ferguson. My baby girl. All I need is some help and reassurance that I did the right thing, letting her explore the world that SHE desired.

Comments for My cat Fern

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Jun 06, 2013
My cat Fern
by: Nadine R

I won't condemn you for letting your cat outside because i did the same thing with my cat who is now missing. She also was determined to get outside. In my case i think it was because we had too many other inside cats for her to deal with (my husband's doing). I am seeing the error of my (and his) ways now. I should have stood up to him when he brought home one cat after another. Plus there are quite a few strays that he feeds. Sorry for going on about my situation. I suppose your situation was different. All i know is i feel overwhemed now. Maybe grief does that. I wish you the best in your recovery.

Feb 23, 2013
Not your fault
by: Anonymous

So sorry for your loss of your precious cat. It will take time for you to deal with it. It is not your fault if she ran out the door or found another way out. Having your cats sayed and neutered helps them not stray.I have had to put to sleep 4 kitties due from illnesses they would not recover. All within the last two years.

They were all indoor cats once I brought hem in. They loved it inside and I would walk them on a leash if they wanted outside. I let them know it was the only way they could go out. I brought in the last cat I'll let own me after she was outside for 16 years ad she wn't go near the door nor does she express any desire to ever go out again. She is the Sister of all my kitties . Having your cats spayed and neutered helps them not stray.

It's a known fact that indoor kitties live longer. It is NOT CRUEL to keep them inside , it's safer and better for your peace of mind. zi hope you consider taking another in when you can.

Feb 22, 2013
Sweeties mommy
by: Diane

Please write your story for us to share with you, you sound like you are grieving so hard, and you need some kind words and comfort. Also, I'm wondering how Fern's family is doing, every day is met with sorrow for so long. Please take comfort in knowing she loved you so much, and is waiting for you.

Feb 22, 2013
My little darling "Sweetie"
by: Anonymous


My beautiful little cat Sweetie was killed by a car last Wednesday outside my house and I am absolutely devastated. She was such a special little cat and I am in total despair. She was my little baby and brought so much happiness into my life and I can't bear the thought of never seeing her again. I am completely heartbroken.

I can't stop thinking about her and am a complete wreck. I feel like I will never be happy again.

I miss her terribly.

I completely understand how you feel about Fern and am so terribly sorry for you.

Hopefully we will learn to come to terms with our loss.

Best wishes,


Feb 21, 2013
Cutie Fern
by: Sandy

Dear Jessica,
Sorry to know about your loss.It is a void that cannot be filled. Do not blame yourself for the tragedy that happened. The Lord sends these pets to us with a purpose and then they are taken back from us by HIM . It was in best of interest of Fern that you let her out - which was her world. You did the best and cared so much for her . I too lost my kitty Poochie girl 11 months ago but still have not got over the guilt that I failed to recognize her injuries and provide timely medical aid which might?? have saved her. Life has to move on somehow without our furbabies. It was nice to know that you loved her immensely . May Fern RIP - Take care.

Feb 20, 2013
My Sweet Sweet Brody Boy
by: Shelley

Jessica I know what you are going through and it is so hard. I too just lost my beloved cat Brody yesterday the same way. I feel so shocked and heart broken thinking I will never see him again or hear his LOUD meows at my door wanting in. At times it is almost unbearable. He too loved the outdoors but I tryed keeping him in as much as possible. I had a long day at work yesterday and took a nap when i got home and slept longer than I meant too and my husband found him when he got home from work. I feel so guilty that I wasn't up to let him in. Sometimes he came in, other times he wouldn't be around at bedtime and stayed out til morning. The guilt is what makes it so hard to bear I think. We both need to quit blaming ourselves and not think about the what-ifs and know that they were very lucky to have been loved so much. If only all cats could have such loving homes. Comfort to you.

Feb 20, 2013
Beloved Fern
by: Diane

You DID do the right thing, some cats are going to get outside no matter what. You KNOW she would have been miserable locked up.The guilt is horrible, I know, read my blog on my beloved Chrissy. My cats love the outdoors so much I can't deny them. Since Chrissy was hit we have been 'supervising' their outdoor time and though Burt sticks around and wants back in after a short time, Casper HATES it! He meows constantly, knocks things off of tables, and redirects and attacks Burt. And I mean he did this for months after Chrissy died and he was not allowed his freedom. We have talked, and he is so miserable we have allowed him more freedom, he can go to the back of the property but not out front towards the street. We understand that eventually we may find him on the street too, but he has spent 5 years outside and has been OK so far. What do you do? My husband said it was better to have a shorter life but be doing what you love then to live a long life and be miserable. My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing I can say will help you right now, but know I share in your pain. It was a horrible accident, you did not cause Fern's death and she knows that. She loves you so much for letting her have her freedom, and she is forever free now, waiting at the Rainbow Bridge. RIP beautiful calico Fern!

Feb 20, 2013
My cat Fern
by: Doreen U.K.

Jessica when we own a pet this is a responsible job. We are responsible for their welfare. You wouldn't have taken on this responsibility if your knew you could not handle it. Also knowing that you needed this pet as much as she needed you. You wouldn't have put her life in danger. It would have been cruel to keep her indoors and not expose her to the outside world. My daughter's friend has a cat. Living in an upstairs flat in England. She doesn't let the cat go out because she has a condition of OCD. I don't believe she should have a cat. It is cruel to keep a cat indoors.
I owned 7 cockatiels who became 11 after 4 babies were born. I adored these birds. I hated keeping them in the cage. My husband was dying of cancer and could not build an outdoor aviary for these little darlings so I sent them to a bird rescue centre where they had the enjoyment of an indoor and outdoor aviary. I had a broken heart parting with these birds but I also had a responsibility for their wellbeing and happiness. I have these beautiful memories of my time owning these birds. I settle now for over 50 birds visiting my garden each morning for breakfast and I have pleasure watching them using my garden as their special patch of territory and I adore them from a distance and they are FREE as animals should be. You did nothing wrong. What I would say is that anyone living in a Condominium should not keep a pet caged up if they should be Free. This would be cruel to the pet. It is a hard one because living in a condominium would mean you are denied owning a pet. This is one we all have to work out. My happiness? or the Pets happiness?

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