My civil parnter of 5 years left me to move to stoke

by laura Hartley
(England)

Hi i am 30 and my civil partner is 25. We met 5 years ago on a dating site. Im from nottingham she is from Stoke she loved me that much she moved in with me and came to nottingham leaving her family behind but we did go visit them together. We got married civil parntership we were together 5 years married for 2 years. past year not been that great with each other, she spoke to me terrible sometimes and we went on holiday together in june 2014 and all she did was text on her phone. Her phone would go off at 1am as well. i would say who was that she said none of your buiness. in july she spoke about having children, all i said was lets save up and spend more time together as she worked nearly weekend. she went no i want a child now, im moving back to stoke where my family can support me you dont support me. three days later she put in a transfer for her job to move back to stoke and move jobs. she went im leaving you i hate you and i dont love you no more i want a disvorce from you. i tryed everything she didnt want to sit down or anything her mind was made up. i said lets try for a baby she said dont want one with you now. we split in july but she didnt leave till end of sept. it was mental torture saying she hated me wish i was dead twice to my face. But regarding all this i found out she been texting her female ex over a year while being together. while living with me they would ring each other up every night an hour at a time. my ex wife managed to get every weekend off to travel to stoke so they did things together, but when she was with me she worked nearly every weekend and they did things together while in stoke i knew this coz her ex would text me and tell me. they went clubbing, partying, went alton towers together. my ex wife had her birthday meal with her family she invited her ex along they went to her mums house together. i asked what was going on she said we friends arnt i allowed friends. when i was at work one day she even invited her ex into the house that day got threatning texts off her ex saying its none of my buiness what they do. i knew this as my sister was in at the time at the house. So i dont know if they were together or friends. but i am heartbroken cant stop crying. i know the things she did to me but i still love her and i want to make another go of it. She ingoring me all the time. she blocked me on media sites blocked my number. but i can text her on watts app but she ingoring me all the time i just want to talk to her. She blaming this all on me. saying all my fault im a nasty person etc.

Comments for My civil parnter of 5 years left me to move to stoke

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Oct 15, 2014
For Laura
by: Lisa O

Hi Laura,
I know this is hard for you to accept but you must do so and move on. Like Doreen said, you deserve happiness. You deserve better.
I was once very deeply in love with someone (before I met my wife). I had dreams and visions of us being together forever. I felt that she was my soul mate. It did not work out. I went to counseling for months hoping to find an answer to my pain or figure out some way to maybe make her realize how wrong she was.
My counselor told me to stop calling, emailing, texting, etc. She said not to look for my ex or look for anything from her and if I saw something I needed to ignore it. CUT ALL TIES.
It is hard but in time you will realize that you will become a happier and healthier person. LET GO.
I know you're heart is breaking but trust me when I say its best for you. It is clear that your ex only "loved" you when it was convenient for her. And, if you did get back together would you ever trust her again? She cheated on you after you were married! You deserve someone who will truly love you and take wedding vows seriously.
I healed. I met a wonderful woman and was married this past August.
Getting over my ex was the best thing that ever happened to me and it will be for you too.
Move on and find that person who is out there for you, girl!! BE HAPPY!
Don't dwell. Get out there and do things -meet people - look for others with the same interests.
(where I live, going to the dog parks is a GREAT place to meet others. If you don't have a dog, borrow a cute one and go! LOL)
Blessings, friend. True love WILL find you. Chin up!

Oct 15, 2014
Thank you
by: Laura Hartley

Thank you for your support, i just want to let you know i have stopped ctrying all by myself no cousnelling and all helped by reading these comments and my family and all my friends. i know she was selfish and cruel it was all her, didnt give me a second thought. no respect for me or the marriage by bringing her EX back to the house while i was at work. friends or not that was still out of order. only thing cant get my head around how can someone you been with for 5 years block you from everything and dont even want to remain friends. i couldnt do it to someone but she has with me that cruel. also still no divorce papers through post so is that more mind games from her. She said ill get them first week she gone into second week now still no papers. she was certain she divoring me. i knew she was very immuture for her age and my friends said the same who saw her.

Oct 12, 2014
can you handle the truth
by: Judith in California

Laura, you want a selfish immature person back?!!! Why would you want to be so miserable? Love is and should be an equal caring , sharing, respectful uplifting thing between those involved. You have none of that and yet you're willing to continue a path that would only end up with her leaving you again and again? What is it about yourself that you feel you dont deserve better. Is your self esteem so badly beaten down that misery is all you'll accept?

Please get help to figure out why you would settle for a horribly miserable relationship.

She did you a favor by leaving so you can move on and find true happiness after you truly figure out who and what you are about and what you need in a relationship. Set your standards high and don't let anyone use you or abuse you. Treat yourself with respect and make sure others do too.

Oct 11, 2014
My civil partner of 5 years left me to move to stoke
by: Doreen UK

Laura, I know it hurts when you love someone so much you can't bear to live without them. You are focusing on how you feel. Take the focus off this and see the reality of what your wife is doing to you. Slowly destroying your self esteem. Betraying you with her EX. Saying cruel things to you to tear you down. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY CRY OVER SOMEONE WHO IS THIS CRUEL? How can you want to be with someone who doesn't want you in her life? If you are so distraught over this you need to see a counselor URGENTLY! Don't focus on how you can never be with someone else. It is too early to process these feelings. In time you will feel different. You would make a BIG MISTAKE if you took your wife back after such a cruel betrayal. I know you want her back. But she doesn't feel the same way. What support do you have whilst going through this loss? You need to put new people in your life to help you get through this hurt, pain, and loss. Each day you heal from this ordeal you will become stronger and be able to think more clearly and see this problem for what it is.
Relationships are breaking down today at a faster rate than one can cope with. A marriage will only work if two people can resolve the difficulties they find themselves in, and want to make it work. COUNSELLING will help you. I have not only done the counselling. I have moved forward with MATURITY and I don't regret the expense, to how I feel now. You will come through this, and become stronger and wiser to how you plan each day. Get good support from family or friends. Please write back as much as you need to for further support.

Oct 11, 2014
Hi
by: laura Hartley

i want her back i cant stop crying over it. i loved her so much. How can someone like that you loved and married be like that towards you. She text me yesterday afternoon on a app. she said i am blocking you on evetything now. i dont love you never will again and will never get back with you either again. she put then i will ring or text off another phone to arrange my other things to be pick up. im so hurt over this. the way im feeling i dont want anyone else in my life

Oct 08, 2014
You can succeed and be a winner in life. Don't give up!
by: Doreen UK

Laura your EX was in trouble. Who did she phone? YOU! She is using you for her own needs. Yet not meeting your needs. She got into a fight with her EX and the police were called. She is in a volatile relationship and it won't last. You deserve better! I plead with you to not let her use you whenever things don't work out for her with her EX. She is very immature which is why she won't listen to you or give you the respect you need and deserve.
Start doing so many good things for yourself each day to build yourself up. Do this every day so you start to heal and feel better about yourself. A bad relationship can tear down your self-esteem. Keep focused and let this problem be all about her and not you. Start building up your own network of friends and MOVE ON with your life. There is nothing more demeaning than being used and abused by someone you cared for deeply and married to.
I just don't get why many people are so blind to see what they have and treat this with such contempt.
A person can only take so much. Pushed to the edge where they can't continue in the marriage which is destroying them is not worth investing more years in, what may end anyway down the line. A lot of break ups happen when there is great IMMATURITY. Marriage and relationships in general are facing a harder testing time today and many don't survive. It could be the loss of a job, or person. Loss of home. Not enough money to live on? Who pays for What? Money plays a strong part in how a relationship survives or not. Often hard to work things out. But it is all the emotional anguish that one is left holding that tears one apart. I hope that you can find your way back in life and find someone who will appreciate you and love you for who you are. Often LOVE from one partner and not the other is not enough for a relationship to survive. Two have to work together and try to work it out so both are happy with the marriage. If this does not happen you are better off on your own. You need to live with Peace of Mind. FOCUS is the key to moving forward and developing strategies that will work for you and help you survive in life. Best wishes.

Oct 07, 2014
Thank you
by: laura

Thank you for reading my post kind words. Im so hurt at the moment and cant believed it happen dont seem real to me. i loved my wife so much and for her to ignore me the way she has and wont talk to me is hurting me more. Two weeks ago my ex wife and her ex went to a pub together they went back to her dads place and they started fighting, police was called. That night 1.30am my ex rang me ive been attacked crying on the phone. she was on phone for an hour. at the end of it she went i love you oh sorry didnt mean to say that. She was drunk anyway. next day she text im sorry i rang you it was a mistake ringing you and giving you false hopes. she said i wont be friends again with her. Two weeks later she sent me a text im out clubbing and she told me she was out with her ex. So she can forgive her but what never ive done she cant forgive or talk to me. Sorry with your son his parnter needs to focus on him more then her ex. like my ex all focus on her ex not me. Your son sounds better off. Dont know why these people do it to others

Oct 06, 2014
My civil partner of 5 years left me to move to stoke
by: Doreen UK

Laura, I am so sorry for what is happening to you from your marriage and relationship that is tearing you apart.
You need to HEAR and SEE what is going on. Your wife is blocking you on social media. IGNORING YOU. Don't you get it! She has moved on in the most CRUEL WAY to you. You can't force yourself on anyone. You can't force a relationship to continue if the other person doesn't want it. She won't talk to you, and she has blanked you out totally from her life. She wants a divorce. It looks like your marriage is over. The best way forward is by going to see a counselor so that you can put strategies in place for your survival and moving forward with less pain and damage.
Under no circumstances give your wife/partner the time of day or another chance in life. Get your divorce and learn from this experience and don't rush into marriage again. Married 2yrs. is too soon to go through marriage again. Let other people into your life to help you heal from this divorce and don't look back. Don't give your soon to be EX the time of day. You can love someone so deeply and forgive them if they want the relationship to work. Your wife doesn't want it to work. She may if something goes wrong with her new/old relationship with her EX. she has left you for. But it would be UNWISE to go back to an old love. There would be a break in the relationship that would make it harder to work and also she abused you and whats to say this won't happen again. You have had a lucky escape from someone who was so cruel to you. If she was willing to talk it would make things different. You could then try to work it out.
My son at the moment is in a marriage where his wife won't stop seeing her EX. She doesn't think she is cheating on my son because she is just looking out for her EX who has no one and is lonely. My son said that all his wife's emotional energies are going to him so she is emotionally guilty of INFIDELITY. Wanting to take him on holiday with them because she says she is a caring person. She wants more money off my son so she can pay off her house but refuses to put my son's name on HER MORTGAGE because he has no money to give her. He is paying all the house bills at £600 a month. She wants to increase this to £900 every month. She bought a buy to let to put her EX in it and so she goes to get the rent off him. My son has had 3 breakdowns. Kicked out of HER HOUSE 5 times (to do with her EX) and I have taken him in for the space he needs. My son is giving his wife one last chance to stop seeing her EX or he is leaving. HE MOVED OUT LAST WEEK. She was looking for him. He has gone back and now going to counselling. If counselling doesn't work and his wife is still wanting her EX in their life. HE IS LEAVING FOR GOOD. He loves her deeply which is slowly turning into hate for her. I hope you get the result you need to make your life better.

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