My Dad always left me behind. :(

by Cailey
(Nanaimo )

When I was sixteen my dad died. My dad was a very sick drug addicted man.and always abondend me, my dad knew he was going to die. if he didnt get his pacemaker and he didn't. I feel like its my fault because he abused me and I hated him after... I miss him now. i am turning 19 i feel lost without a dad. and I am always looking for a father figure even if that means.. guys.. My dad had wrote something before he died and my uncle read it at his funeral he said 'I can fight goliath with a sling and a stone but i can't fight these addictions.' my dad died me not knowing the person he could be.... i love him and i miss him i just feel so out of place, :'(

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May 18, 2013
father died of fatty liver due to chronic alcoholism
by: Anonymous

I too lost my father to alcoholism...when i was 13...i am now 40 and still cannot understand why he choose the bottle over his 4 girls...i am sad and angry feel like he never cared so why should i..he abused my mother ...she divorced him and we moved ..three years later he many what if i.....his death anniversary is may will be 27years....really messed me up and still does...but he was my father and I love him...

Feb 22, 2013
Dear Cailey,
by: Pat

Dear One, Losing a parent is really tough, regardless of what his lifesyle was like. It's normal for a child to feel that losing a parent, at such a young age, is her fault. Please be assured it was in no way your fault. Your father was dealing with demons. It is so unfortunate that he was not able to get the help he needed. You are probably feeling lost because few of your friends have lost a parent and don't understand what you are going through. I looked up this online website that might help you. Your father was unable to find his place on this earth, but now that he is in Heaven, he is at peace and is in the care and protection of God. In time, you will be able to see that and find comfort in that knowledge. I hope you have your mother's support and some siblings. You might find it helpful to attend a grief support group with other members of your family. I did it, myself, after my father and brother died. It helps to share your feelings with others who are going through the same thing. You are torturing yourself with guilty feelings that are so misplaced. It is time for you to take care of yourself and find ways to think of the good times you had with your father. There must have been many since you miss him so much. I wish you well. Please take care of yourself and let your father rest in peace.

Feb 21, 2013
My DAd always left me behind. :(
by: Doreen U.K.

Cailey. You faced AMBIVALENCE. (mixed contradictory feelings and emotions.) This is part of the abuse. This love and hate relationship. You are not responsible for this. You need to go and see a counsellor as this is a very specialist area. You need the support to enable you to carry on your life confronting the abuse and what it has done to you. Otherwise you may go on in life to attract the wrong person. Perhaps one who will beat on you because you will think your deserve this and this is normal and that you somehow did something to provoke this behaviour and to deserve this. WHICH IS NOT TRUE. But nevertheless part of the abuse which affects a person. Alcoholics rear children to be Co-Dependent. You will need counselling for this. Don't feel afraid to seek counselling. You need to grow up with a health mental mindset so that you can go forward in life and live life well. Your father sadly was a victim of alcohol and it destroyed him. He was fighting a battle that was too big for him. He lost the battle. Be proud of him and I am sad that you lost out on a very vital father/daughter relationship that would have helped nurture you in life which was your birth right. Who is available to support you? Family or friends? Don't isolate yourself from people and the world. You need to surround yourself with people and friendships that will give meaning and value to your life.

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