My dad died three years ago and i have just started greiving.

by Jessica Walon
(England- Sunderland)

I was thirteen and my dad was starting to feel un well. My dad drunk a lot of alcohol and was suffering from liver damage, I did my best to look after him and when he vomited blood I was there to help him. And when he died I didn't cry much but I missed him. Now it's been three years and I feel like my heart has been ripped out and i can't stop crying; i don't know what to do. I miss him so much, he was my rock. He brought me up all by himself since my mother wasn't around. I just want him back and to cuddle me and tell me that he loves me.

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May 26, 2012
Im sorry to all
by: Christopher

My father is drunk. He is homeless and went spinning in a downward spiral. He remains homeless and is dying now on liver failure. He body bloated with 14 Liters of Alcohol. He went to the hospital and got it stomach drained. Being the alcoholic he is he signed himself out after getting his options, and returned back to his "tent city" to continue to drink.

I cried tonight. He is a mess. What hurts the most though, is he wont tell me goodbye. He wont even tell me he is dying.

I found out from a family member when they walked into my shop and told me at the end of the day. I immediately went to the shelter and sat there waiting for him to show up for dinner. I asked him directly "are you dying?"

He didn't look me in the eyes. I knew he was lying. Eventually after talking him into going for a ride he convinced me. He wasn't dying.

Tonight I decided to look up liver disease. I found this website:

I began to read and it struck me.. he lied. It hurts. Knowing that he wont say goodbye, knowing hes going, knowing he wont seek treatment.

Time and time again I snapped at him, and pleaded with him to get treatment. He's so damn stubborn.

The only thing that made me feel better is this:

He is going to die a graceful painless death. I can only wish the same for me. I'm not good at dealing with death at all!

He lead me through the conversation enforcing me to give myself advice comparing myself to him. I guess I'm not supposed to know those pieces of advice yet. I'm not even supposed to know he is dying.

I guess the worst part of it all, is he will sit down in those tree's in tent city with the other homeless people until he dies. Its hard to face it though. I didn't see him much, and when I did he is a mess. Still I'm going to miss seeing him. He is still my dad, and I will always love him.

Nov 16, 2010
so sorry
by: Ashleigh

hi jessica,

I'm so sorry to read your story...i lost my dad 3 weeks ago tomorrow, so i'm just starting to deal with the crazy mixed up horrible feelings that come with it...
stay strong, but cry if u have to cuz that's the only thing keeping me sane

you're in my thoughts and prayers


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