My dad died young and I have anger at people who live a long life....

by Kimberly
(Lake grove, ny usa)

My dad died february 25, 1999 and he was just 49 1/2. He died of a pulmonary embolism and it was instant. It still seems like yesterday. My problem is my boyfriends dad just died this past friday eve and he was 80 1/2 and I just can't seem to find compassion in this. They should all be thankful for having their father for that long. I find this to be torture when I hear of someone losing a parent over the age of 80 when my father was taken way before his time. I can't even listen to conversations about the deceased because all I think is that my dad never got to see or do triples things.

Is this normal to have these terrible feelings and how can I be more compassionate? I'm totally here for my boyfriend (4 years together and the whole time his dad was fading away). Looking to hear from anyone who may be dealing with this too or just anyone with some guidance.

Comments for My dad died young and I have anger at people who live a long life....

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May 18, 2012
My heart echoes the same feelings
by: Anonymous

I have just lost my husband 12 days ago to MESOTHELIOMA (Asbestos related lung cancer) My husband Steve wanted to live and he suffered a lot of pain for 3 years and 39 days. He died at home. Steve was 65 years of age and planned his retirement and didn't get to enjoy this. The Social Security took back most of his pension and left me with one third and life is going to be very difficult. I feel the same emotions as you Kimberley. My father is approaching 91 years old and he doesn't want to live. We prayed for a miracle and this didn't happen. As part of the grief it is normal to not feel happy for those who live long whilst others are cut down in the prime of life. I have a lot of questions for God when I see him. I am angry at the moment because Steve died too soon. He worked for 45 years and then when he gets to retire he dies. He just lived to work 7 days a week. WE are in grief and this too is part of the grieving process so we will just have to let it pass and perhaps life will change slowly.

May 05, 2012
you are already in the right direction
by: Anonymous

Believe me, I know what you are talking about, I lost my Dad when he was 35 in a car accident. I've had to be careful about that myself.

It took me a while to realize that it wasn't a 'zero sum' game, where one person's better fortune wasn't the result of the misfortune going to us instead of them.

I have also learned, that losing a relative at any age still hurts a lot, the older they lived, the better people knew the person they were losing, and the deeper the bond.

It's good that you are concerned about this - nobody's perfect and you went through something that really hurts you, and you are looking for a reason to help guide you out of it. You are trying to change it rather than justify it. The simplest reason I can give you, would be that I shouldn't have any sympathy toward you, because you had your Dad for 14 more years than me. But we both understand that makes no sense. I don't say this to hurt you, but to rather help you out of something that's bothering you, to help iron out a wrinkle in the good in you, that you were the first to see. I hope that helps. Solve this and you will remove a terrible barrier between yourself and your boyfriend, and anyone else who lost their father at an older age than your own.

And I am sorry for you and your boyfriend's loss.

Mar 27, 2012
I understand
by: carol,seans mom

Kimberly. I think it is normal to feel that way. I am a 49 year old mom who lost her 24 year old son four and a half months ago. I don't wish this on anyone but I walk around alot looking at all the people that get to live their lives and Sean did not. I have so much heartbreak and pain. I know I sound evil but I am not. I adored my son. He was the oldest of my three children and my only son. I feel the same as you. I work with people who complain about their eightysomething year old parents and I just think to myself REALLY? My mom is 75 and is my best friend. I don't know why some people don't get to live their full lives. That is a question I will have for the rest of my life. Take life one step at a time. Your dad definitely would want you to be happy. All parents want their children to be happy. I am so sorry for your loss and mine. We have been dealt a tough life. My heart goes out to you.

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