My dad was only 41

by Ashley
(River Falls, WI)

My dad was a man that everyone loved! Always had that smile on his face. My brother and I were coming home school Feb. 28th 2012 as it was snowing and slippery out! We arrived home to head the barn and my mom came in and said dad was unresponsive, I called 911! He was feeding a bale of hale and got out of the skid loader to hook the gate while the skid loader was running! He got back in and hit a lever and the skid loader tipped backwards and he broke his neck which cut his air way off and he passed away! I was a senior in high school going to be graduating and turning 18 very soon! We had this big farm and now what were we going to do! There was so much community support that it was hard to belive all the support! My dad was a big part of my life, he has been gone for 9 months now! The farm is gone, my mom moved back to her family and has kinda of pushed me away while im attending college. I miss my dad and there is not a day that doesnt go by I dont think about him! Since he has passed I have had a very hard time showing my true emotions. I tell everybody im ok, but im not im hurting! I cant even go to weddings because I cant have my father walk me down the aile, or the father daughter dance! I dont even want to get married or even have a boyfriend.

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Dec 12, 2012
My dad was only 41
by: Doreen U.K.

Ashley I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. In a young girls life this is a tremendous loss. My sympathies to your whole family.
It will take you a long long time to recover from this loss. I am facing the same pain losing my husband of 44yrs. 7 months ago to cancer. He died a slow death over a period of 3yrs. My 3 Adult children lost a father that day and it has split our whole family apart. My 3 children are distant and estranged now from me. All trying to cope with their own grief in their own way which excludes me. I have to grieve on my own. This is what your Mom may be doing. Your mom is hurting so much by losing her husband that she is not meaning to push you away or shut you out of her life. DEATH causes this fracture in families. some parts of the family move away and distance themselves. others come together in a more supportive way. This seems to be a trend that I have noticed after a death in the family. There are more negatives from a death than positives. Give your mom time to come around. If you have always had a good relationship with your mom then you will get this back. She is finding it hard to process her loss and her feelings at losing your dad. grieving the loss of a dad is different than grieving the loss of a husband. I will never recover from my loss. My husband was my WHOLE WORLD. Everything revolved around him and my children and now the children are grown up and leading their own lives. My husband has gone now and I am ALONE with my GRIEF. It is such a cruel world of timing in a family losing a loved one. The world is full of pain and sorrow but the pain of GRIEF is the worst Pain I have ever felt. Because you are moving away to college your mom will feel this loss at the same time as losing a husband. Give your mom time but phone or write to her and let her know that she is still very much a part of your life and ask her not to shut you out. She may be surprised that this is what she is doing. Everyone is struggling with different feelings and emotions and it does cause the family structure to change. The father is usually the head of the house and everyone and everything revolves around this. None of us knows when we will lose another member from our close family unit which is why we should cherish the family we have left and build memories that we will have forever. Surround yourself with family and friends to support you at this time of grief. If you have no one and you are struggling. Go and see a grief counsellor for support and this will help you understand better how to move forward into life as you are so young to stop living. It will take time. But you will be happy again. don't rule out marriage and a future. You will feel different in time.

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