by Gina Costantino
My dad and mom....
My father started smoking in his teens. His habit grew to 4 packs a day. After 30 years of smoking, he decided that he had had enough. On August 21, 1989 he quit smoking for the last time. We were all so proud. Unfortunately, the damage was done.
At the end of May 2008, my dad was diagnosed with a small cancerous tumor in his lung. He had surgery and walked out of the hospital a healed man. No chemo - nothing. Our family was very happy and felt extremely blessed. For you see, my father was the center of our family. The keeper of knowledge, the shoulder we cried on, the only man in my life that ever made me feel completely safe, secure and loved.
One week after his surgery he contracted fungal pneumonia. The doctors were optimistic the first few days. But on day four, my father passed away of severe sepsis. How strange we thought, for months we had worried about "the cancer". In the end, it was an infection that invaded his body. It was sudden and unexpected. The true blessing is that my mother (whom my dad was passionately in love with for over 35 years) and my sibling were with my beloved father when he took his last breath.
My father died on June 23rd at 3:30am. The holidays have really been difficult and the closer I get to Christmas, the more I feel as if my grief is moving in reverse.
I wonder some days if I am going to make it. I feel like this pain is never going to subside. The part that I am having the most difficult time with is the anger. I'm not entirely sure who or what I am mad at. I just know that I take it out on other situations. My fuse is about 2.1 nano seconds. How do I work through this anger? I'm not looking to get right back to normal, just not be such a basket case.