My Dad,,

by Rhanda Mejia
(Tucson, Az)

Marco Mejia, Pops we just lost you feels like yesterday but it has been only weeks maybe two months. These days feel like nightmares to only wake to the horrible shock over and over that your not with us. I'm so angry at the doctors for not telling us the truth.. just how much time you really had. I wouldn't have gone back to work I would have never left your side how could I have been so blind....but you knew.. I think you knew, were you scared to go? Were you ok to leave? My heart says you knew you were leaving us but gave us hope when you said you would beat this ugly cancer, "mind over matter" is what you would say. My heart hurts wondering if your ok.. knowing you wanted so much to live did you ever have a chance to? When you did go it was so quick, it helps me believe you made a choice ... and left so that we would not suffer. You always put others first,,, I just want you to know Dad that yes I will always want to hug you and kiss you for the rest of my life... it was your little saying to us when we got to the age of not wanting our parents around. Now I would give anything to hug and kiss you... Dad I'm sorry I'm so weak these days.. its so hard to find peace ... please help me. I love you so much I hope.. your ok, We miss you so much. I did my best ,,, I hope you know...

Comments for My Dad,,

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May 06, 2013
Daily struggle
by: Rhanda

Thanks for the prayers, god know I need them. I know I have said it before but grief is so confusing and comes in so many different emotions, I think of my Dad everyday I miss talking to him, going to see him reminders of him only cause pain... I want to take his pictures down sometimes so I don't have to think about how much it hurts that hes gone but I just cant. I pray that he is somewhere in bliss but it doesnt ease my pain... my faith is not strong.. One day at a time is how I live these days.

May 04, 2013
by: Anonymous

This sounds very much like what I want to express. I will put you on my prayer list. God grant you peace.

Apr 26, 2013
you are not alone
by: Anonymous

I am feeling the same way. My Dad died 3 months ago and whenever I feel I have finally turned a corner and can feel a little joy again, the grief comes and gets me and I'm steeped in sadness once more. I feel this tremendous sense of guilt that I couldn't do more for him. At the same time I am thankful I was able to be with him and at his bedside during his last few days. My Dad was quite old (88)and had lived with Alzheimer's for several years. My Mom died a year and a half before he did. Since losing her was so shocking and devastating, I thought I was prepared to lose him because I knew that he could not live much longer with his disease. How foolish of me. One is never really prepared. I am now an orphan, and even though I am in my 60's, the little girl in me feels so lost and alone. We will get thru this my friend. Just know you are not alone on this dark road.

Apr 05, 2013
Thank you
by: Anonymous

I agree only few people understand, sometimes I think they do then it changes, I'm finding it hard to confind my feelings with anyone. Grief is so unpredictable and I don't want to rush or ignore it but my constant pain, people make me feel embarrased to share it. My Dad was sick and they gave us so much hope for recovery...I question my faith but look to it for peace... I'm just angry and I wish I could just see him again...I do go to counseling well I just started but nothing changes my feelings.
Thanks for commenting I'm sorry for your loss too losing someone close impacts so many parts of our lives 9 months I can't imagine my feelings changing either so miss him... it's ok it's coping with the rest thats hard. I hope that made sense. God Bless-

Apr 04, 2013
by: Anonymous

i understand the great amount of pain that you are in. the questioning that goes on. I am 9 months past the loss of my husband and at times still shake and cry uncontrollably. i question if i did enough. i want to know if he left this world in peace. it was so sudden. he died in his sleep. i feel few people understand what i am going through here at work. actually, with all the time i've taken off, i guess i should feel lucky i still have a job. i pray this website helps you along your journey. my prayers are with you.

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