My Dad

by Tina Zadworny

I lost my father on March 9th, 2009 to small cell lung cancer. It was too agressive and too fast. He found out that he had lung cancer on February 27th and went to the VA hospital on March 2nd to get a complete diagnosis. I brought him because my mother had a doctors appointment. He was admitted into the hospital to start his "aggressive" chemo treatments on March 3rd and actually started on March 4th.

He was released from the hospital on March 7th, wasn't feeling well on March 8th and my mother found him dead on March 9th. I am an only child so my father and I were very close. He was my babysitter so I saw him every day. My husband lost his job a couple weeks before so he wasn't babysitting at the time. This is the only thing that made it easier. He was my "Rock" any time I had a hard time; he knew exactly what to say to make things better, to make it easier, to help me understand. No matter what life threw at him (and believe me there was a lot) he just shook it off and muddled through.

He broke his back many years ago and was forced to retire, he was an alchoholic and found out in 1998 he had cirhosis of the liver and put down his last beer June 11, 1998. He was told in March of 1999 that he was going to die because of internal bleeding and that he wouldn't make it through the night. He beat that and we thought that he would beat this. He thought he would beat this.

I think he knew on Sunday night (the 8th) that he wasn't going to make it just by the things he was saying on the phone. He told me that my mother didn't even know how to write out a check and that he didn't know how to pay the bills, that didn't make any sense to me because he was there to do it. Then he said he didn't even get a chance to see Woody (my father-in-law) and I told him that once Woody came him he can go over and see him. Woody had hip replacement surgery on the Monday before my father was diagnosed and then he was brought back to the hospital due to an infection which no one knew what caused it, not even the doctors. That at the time was another thing to worry about. My father-in-law now is doing just fine. He is still fighting the infection but he is home.

And apparently so is my father just in a different sense of the word. I just keep telling my myself "at least he didn't suffer"; that would have been worse. I didn't get to see him after he had the chemo but everyone tells me he was swollen. He tells me the lump had gone down. The cancer had spread within days from one lung to the other and then to his throat. The day he died I didn't even get a chance to see him. I am trying to deal with the closure of that.

He was cremated and there were no services. That isn't what my father wanted. He wanted us to celebrate his life and not his death. And I do understand that. It is just hard to find closure when you have not seen the person. The last time I actually saw my father he told the nurses that for the first time in his life he felt no pain. That made it harder. If he felt no pain then how did he die so fast?

The doctors were so sure this treatment would work. Would it work in the sense to make him go faster? Would it work in the sense to make it go away faster? So many questions and yet no way to get answers. My mother is the only one that can ask why and she won't. She is a pity me type of person and finding out why won't have anyone pitying her if they find out it may have been somthing that my father did wrong. I am more like him. Just give me the answers even if it is something I don't want to hear, at least it is the truth.

Now onto my father and who he was. He was a great guy. No matter what he was going through he would always help you out. When we lived in the housing authority (low income) the couple that lived next to us was behind with the rent and my father gave $ to them so that they wouldn't get evicted. He asked a couple times for it back and then it came into a fight and my father let it go. He never got the money back even though he really couldn't afford it either.

His thoughts: it really wasn't worth losing a friend over money, you are always going to get money but you can't always get good friends. After he broke his back there was no bending, lifting or stretching also the same after the cirrhosis, he always did those things. Worked on peoples cars if they were broken down, put new floors in because he felt they needed it. He helped my husband often whenever something would go wrong in my house. He re-did my bathroom floor. Fixed the pipe when it broke in the bathroom, put in a new commode, fixed the door frame after I got pissed because I couldn't open the bathroom door and kicked it in. So much, such a good man. There is just so much that he has done for everyone that you just can't put it all down.

Comments for My Dad

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 15, 2011
your mom
by: Anonymous

why are you knocking your mother down??.isn't she the one that found him? must be very hard on her,as this was her husband,yes it was your dad but she is the one who was with him.who cares if she can't do a check your her daughter you should be there for her did you ever ask your mother what your dad's wishes were or are you just guessing on things.was this her first marriage? as a daughter you sound very spoiled by him and not your is a heartbreak for your mother to find her husband dead.

Jul 15, 2011
Her Dad
by: Marge

my daughter is very bitter since her dad died.he never broke his back.he was given a choice with his job to retire or get fired for drinking on the job.yes he was an alcoholic for many many years.he pretty near died from the bleeding varicies that he had in 1999 right after his Dad passed away.I went to school and learned how to write out a check and have been doing good since my husband husband and I talked before he died and I did what he asked me to do.he wanted to be cremated and not buried and so I did that and then he was buried August 22,2009 as his brother was on me and so was was a beautiful ceremony with full military honors and yes I'm happy as he deserved it. .as for my daughter and granddaughter not seeing him the morning he died it wasn't a pretty sight to be seen and I let the PD handle things before they came to the house.I asked them and they said that it wasn't a good idea for anyone to see him that way.I will never get it out of my daughter is blaming me and yes I am taking it all as I am her mother and I do love her..just wish she would stop has been a very long 2 1/2 years for me.I loved my husband no matter what for nearly 38 years.he was my soul mate and I will never forget him ...I will love him always.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!