My Daddy, Roy M. Lester

by Joni Boone
(Radford, VA, USA)

After almost two years of fighting Myelodisplastic Syndrome (blood cancer), my 75 year old father, Roy M. Lester, passed away on February 19, 2010. That date also happens to be my birthday.

I seem to have gotten the stages of grief out of order. Right now, I am so angry at someone or something, I do not know how to cope with it. I am not angry with Daddy... not at all. I don't know who or what to be angry at. All I know is that I want to scream, kick, throw things, and generally just have a tantrum. My father was a minister and such a good man. I keep thinking, "Why did this happen to him and not some child molester, or rapist, or wife abuser somewhere?"

The last couple of weeks, Daddy was in so much pain, and was confused, and we could do nothing to help him. I know where my father is... I know he is in Heaven, and I will see him again, but I miss him NOW. I live 6 hours away from my parents' home, and did not get to the hospital before Daddy died. I tried, but in less than 24 hours the MDS had progressed to Leukemic Meningitis, and had invaded his brain. At that point, there was nothing that could be done.

I don't know what to do now. I have never had to live without my father before, and this is overwhelming to me. I have to support my mother, (emotionally), and I am so upset I'm afraid I'm not doing that as well as I need to. Thank you for "listening".