My dads dead 2 Years in January

My dad died Jan 2011 in my arms on his bed. He had cancer but he hadnt reached end stage and died suddenly from a blood cloth...we think. I had to do CPR on him after he died because the operator from the ambulance said to carry it out. I have flash backs of the night and whether I did it right, did I do anything wrong, the guilt can be consuming.
I am finding the grief process very hard. I work in a hospital and have constant reminders of his illness. Also I moved home to support my Mam in the transition and find it hard to be home without my Dad there, The house seems empty, lonely.

I have gone to counselling and talked to friends but I still feel very alone at times with my grief. I find times like now, his birthday very hard, visiting his grave when I would just love to see him one last time. I never realised how important he was to me until he died and how alike we actually were.

I think about him and miss him everyday. I just hope that this overwhelming ache goes and I can start remembering the happy times rather than the night he died. Does it get easier?

Comments for My dads dead 2 Years in January

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Oct 11, 2012
My dads dead 2 Years in January
by: Doreen U.K.

You are in shock and feeling numb from this sudden loss of your Dad. You were being guided through the processs of CPR. You did what was expected of you to the best of your ability. You are reacting to the grief and loss. these feelings should subside in time. Everyone's grief journey is different, and the length and duration of our grief is not the same. Like everything it has a process. A beginning and an end. You probably want the end to be quickly as you will be feeling very uncomfortable. The Lonliness and Emptiness is one of the worst experiences we will go through in our grief.
WE naturally take life and each other for granted and when we lose this we find ourselves questioning our every minute of living. This is grief talking.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 5 months ago from cancer. My journey is long and painfull. I wish it could end now. I am find the acceptance of it all so hard to deal with. I have 3 Adult children who will probably know how you feel by losing their father after a 3yr. battle with cancer. Healing from our loss is a very long slow process which makes things more difficult to bear. You will get through this pain in TIME. I am finding it hard to process life before cancer and with memories other than the long slow painfull cancer journey watching my husband die a very slow death. I feel drained by Grief. It is not something we can avoid. Each day is a day closer to HEALING.

Oct 11, 2012
My dads dead two years
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

You asked if it gets easier. I feel we just learn to accept our new life without them. My mom is gone 36 years and my dad 6 years. My husband died 15 months ago. At his funeral one of my nephews told one of my sons that it doesn't get easier; you just learn to go on without them. A week ago, one of my sons was sitting talking with me about how much he misses his dad and thinks about him everyday. I told him I feel the same. We just have to learn to go on without them.
A friend of mine sent me this saying after my husband died. It is so true to how we feel.
Cherish your memories, they are what we have to get us through. I joined a grief support group and developed a friendship with others going through the grief of losing a loved one. We do things together and call each other. We share how we are feeling. I can call one of them and I feel so much better afterward. Sharing our grief with others who realy understand. Until we have experienced this type of grief ourselves; we never really got it before. We could express sympathy, but never really realized what it truly felt like.
Come to this site often. I am on it daily. I don't always post replies, but I read them and it gives me strength and encouragement.
You are in my prayers. Our loved ones are physically gone, but their spirit is always with us.
My husband died from a massive heart attack sitting on the side of our bed. I always feel he is here with me. I miss him terribly. To want him back again is all I want. I talk to him daily. He is with God now and they are both helping me go on.

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