My dads dead 2 Years in January
My dad died Jan 2011 in my arms on his bed. He had cancer but he hadnt reached end stage and died suddenly from a blood cloth...we think. I had to do CPR on him after he died because the operator from the ambulance said to carry it out. I have flash backs of the night and whether I did it right, did I do anything wrong, the guilt can be consuming.
I am finding the grief process very hard. I work in a hospital and have constant reminders of his illness. Also I moved home to support my Mam in the transition and find it hard to be home without my Dad there, The house seems empty, lonely.
I have gone to counselling and talked to friends but I still feel very alone at times with my grief. I find times like now, his birthday very hard, visiting his grave when I would just love to see him one last time. I never realised how important he was to me until he died and how alike we actually were.
I think about him and miss him everyday. I just hope that this overwhelming ache goes and I can start remembering the happy times rather than the night he died. Does it get easier?