My Danny - Today the ice broke again
I told my first story on 26th July 2011 when My Daniel died suddenly from heart failure. He was 44. Time has only deepened my grief.
Today I am so so sad. I can't stop crying. I miss my son so much. I just want him back. It's like a gigantic black chasm has split my heart apart. And today the grief is overwhelming.
Every day is not like this. I can go for days and skate along the thin ice of grief. Then suddenly the ice cracks and I find myself spiraling down into deep despair. I don't just cry - I sob deep wracking spasms that shake my whole body.
I cannot resolve my grief yet - his beautiful wife, my beloved daughter-in-law, whom he was caring for, has terminal cancer. I have taken over as her carer but now she has only a few months left to live.
I am like a blind person, stumbling along each day, trying to find my way.
There's nothing more to say. I feel so empty, yet full of sadness.
No-one, not even God, can stop the ice from cracking.