My Darling Abbey

by Sandra Archer
(Southam, England)

I lost my sweet sweet friend on Saturday. Abbey, my Cocker Spaniel of 13 years. I watched her get run over by a UTE on a farm. I thought, I should go and get her, she is deaf, they might not see her sitting there eating her bone and she won't hear it coming. Then it happened, that dreaded second that you can't take back.

I knew it was bad. I did what I could, for 5 days in hospital. A weak heart, one kidney, damaged lungs, broken back. I prayed, I bargained, I prayed again. I had to leave to come over to England because my mother was sick, and I kept praying, but on Saturday I was told there was little hope left. We made that sickening decision to let her go. And yes, I have all those feelings of, what if, did I give up on her? Did I let her down?

I go from feeling ok, to feeling terrible, and I know it will pass. But it does not make it any easier in those moments of anguish. It does help to hear other’s stories, to know that we all share the same pain. It does help to write about it, because I don’t want to mourn forever and I don’t want to bottle it up. I know that I loved Abbey as much as I could and she loved me just as much.

I wrote a little poem for her. I’d like to share. That really helps. I hope it helps someone else too…

Sleep, sleep my Abbey sleep

My darling Abbey’s gone away
But in my heart she’s here to stay
Sleep, sleep my darling, sleep.
Our memories we shall always keep
I’m sorry I had to let you go
But please be sure and always know
That if I knew another way
I surely would have had you stay.
So sweet dreams my love and have no fear
For to me you will be always near
Sleep, sleep, my darling sleep.