My darling Winston (my teddy bear)

by Christine fulmer
(Syracuse New York usa)

It all started the end of November, Winston threw up. I did not think too much of it, but next day he started to shake and pant, I immediately took him to the emergency vets (it was a Sunday).
After many tests and an ulta sound his was diagnosed with a tumor on his adrenal gland and the only possibility of survival was surgery. The surgery at this facility would not perform the surgery, he said he would not make. I was now Tuesday and the internist spoke to me and said that they radiologist that performed the ultra sound recommended a surgeon he worked for, I was able to get an appointment former Thursday, so I took Winston home. Did I mention that he was diabetic,
On Wednesday I tied to test his blood but I had trouble so I took him into my own vets, she immediately did electro cardigan blood pressure and sugar levels, all were bad,, so I had to leave him there to be stabilized. This facility did not have overnight care, my vet said he would not make it to the surgery appointment unless he was monitored overnight, do I had to take him back to the overnight facility where he was given glucose and insulin as needed. The next morning my husband and I picked him up for his surgery appt., it was an hour and half drive. The drive was agony not knowing if they were going to perform surgery or not. The surgeon approved him and performed surgery that day. He came through the surgery and the surgeon said he got
All the tumor. He was there for seven days with them trying to get him to eat and get his sugar levels stable. We visited several times and eventually bought him home. During the times he was at the vets I was instructed to call at specific times, each time was agony, I would nearly vomite just dialing the number. He came, not eating, given Meds all day, appetite stimulate, pain Meds, etc etc. I had to take him into my vets practically daily, to blood sugars measured etc. some days they would keep all day for fluids etc. eventually he had a feeding tube inserted.i had to give him liquid through the tube, he eventually threw the tube up. I took him back to the overnight facility again and they kept him. Giving him fluids monitoring blood sugar etc , Christmas Eve I was told he was eating and could come home. My husband picked him up on xmas day, the family was home for Christmas dinner we all do excited to see him, when it came to carve the turkey we gave Winston some little pieces because I was told get him to eat anything.
Later that day he threw it up. Could not get him to eat, vets all day Monday for testing and fluids etc. Tuesday-fluids under skin took him home (could not get a catheter in because his veins were so bruised. The vet called and said that his blood tests were not good and he was probably going into kidney failure. Wednesday we put him to sleep. He looked so terrible, his legs shaved in various places, the surgery scar - he had lost seven pounds. I can't function, I question should I haven given Him the turkey - he had thrown up one turkey once before, at the time I was just happy to see him eat. I do not have the support of my family - my husband yells st me and tells I torchered him and my daughter tells to get another pet and yells at me. I all I do is cry all day and at night I drive for hours. H e l p. I feel so guilty and miss him so much, he never did anything wrong.

Comments for My darling Winston (my teddy bear)

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Feb 14, 2017
To those who don't understand your emothions
by: Bev

Please try not to blame yourself for anything you did. You did way more than 99.9% of anyone I've ever known.It seems that your family is somewhat normal in what they think is right. Most people handle grief in different ways. They should however understand YOUR pain and be there for you. It's the grieving process we all must face sometimes in life. Find peace in all the good times you had with Winston. Don't let your family ruin what you felt was the right thing to do. You can't change their thoughts and actions, only your own. Hopefully as you reflect on happy times with him they will see you not allowing them to take away what God placed in your life to bring you happiness. God Bless, Bev

Feb 08, 2017
RIP Winston
by: Sandy

Really felt sad reading about Winston. You really should not feel guilty as you have really taken good care of Winston. Just recollect the good times you had with him and please dont bother about what your husband and daughter has to say. May be they are also feeling sad about losing Winston but have no other option to express their sadness after all for them too he was a family member . Also as your daughter suggests get a homeless furbaby and give it all your love and affection. Your Winston must be happy freed from all sickness and pain in Rainbow bridge.Take care.

Jan 26, 2017
sorry for your pain
by: veronica

You did nothing wrong and shame on both your husband and daughter for not allowing you to grieve. From what you wrote you did everything within your power to save your Winston. He was obviously in tremendous pain and as much as we don't want to some times we have to let them go. It will be a long time if ever that the pain goes away but remember all the wonderful time that you shared with him and try to be happy.

Jan 24, 2017
by: Anonymous

They are our children too. Praying for you -- take a deep breath --you did all you could do for your baby -- I lost one August 23 last year -- breaks our hearts -- it is good to cry -- but I pray God will heal your heart where you can love more babies -- there are so many searching for that furever home. Rest in God -- Trust Him -- and I am just so thankful you were blessed by the love from Winston -- and he you -- hugs to you my friend --

Jan 24, 2017
You have nothing to feel guilty for
by: Anonymous

You made the best decisions you could for Winston. He knows you love him. He's at peace now, no longer in pain. It will take time. Allow yourself grief, but beware guilt or remorse. You gave him a full and happy life.


Jan 24, 2017
I feel your pain
by: Rachael- Durban, South Africa

Dear Christine, so sorry about your loss, you are not to be blamed, from your story, Winston seemed to have poor health being diabetic. you did your best for him. Although painful, keep reassuring yourself that Winston is no longer in pain and misery, i also had to put my precious chow chow TJ off to sleep last year-05/02/16, was very painful...unlike humans they can't tell us when they have aches and pains, seeing them suffer is very hurting, prayerfully take your feelings to God and he will give you the needed strength from day to thoughts and prayers are with you...

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