My Daughter was Killed by a Drunk Driver
On June 16th, 2012, I heard the words that no parent ever wants to hear and that was that my daughter was dead. My son-in-law called me hysterical and I could not make out what he was saying and so I gave the phone to my other daughter and she understood what he was saying. It was such a shock that I could not feel anything at all. Just this vast empty feeling. She lived in New Mexico with her husband and children. I had just come home from visiting them for 6 months and was due to leave in another couple of weeks to go back for my grandson's football season. But instead I and my other daughters and son went to Albuquerque to have a Memorial Service for my Dabbie. She was a very popular person and had beem involved with the youth football teams for years.She was only 36 years old and I always thought that I would be the one that went first. The scum that did this horrible thing was almost 4 times the legal limit for drinking. He also had 4 children in the car and one was under a year and not attached to the seat in any way. He is still in jail. I am presently living with my son-in-law and the children. He is so grief stricken that he has just gone back to work recently. Sometimes it feels unreal and that it didn't happen but she never walks out of another room, like i expect her to. The hardest part for me was the first time I was alone in their house and I kept waiting to see her. She wasn't just my daughter but we made the transition to best friends. Her father, my husband, died when she was 2 years old and her brother was 10 months. The two older girls were 8 and 6 years, so I am really close to my children as I have been Mother and Father to them for 35 years. Some days I hide in my room as I don't want to face anyone. But I do have things to do like take my granddaughter to school and pick her up. I try to do things with her so that she feels comfortable but I really haven't been around a 6 year old in a long time. My other grandchildren have all been 6 but their parents took care of them and the youngest is only 3 years old. I just feel so alone and no one seems to notice that i have to grieve too and that it's a family thing but each of us are different and approach things differently. When I first got here I put my emotions on a back burner as everyone else was so devastated, so I was the strong one and arranged the memorial service and what she wanted with her body and were she was to be buried which is back in Washington state next to her father. I just am not prepared to cope this way any longer. It's affecting my health and I wish I could go back in time and fix this. Make her stay at work 10 minutes more...but I have accept things the way they are. I know that she is in Heaven and I get comfort from that. Plus if you ever want to read a good book and it is the one that helped me, read 'Heaven is For Real'.It helps a lot at times when you wonder what comes next. Her birthday is next week on October 9th. I hope that I have the strength to get through that day but i will as what else can I do? I am living so I must go on.