my daughter will not have anything to do with me or my family

by Rick Poppe
(Sidney, Ohio)

I'm a divorced parent and i have remarried I have great relationships with my other grandchildren, one my wife and i helped raise till she was 6 years old it was hard to let her go we love her so much and will still see her frequently,but my oldest girl after will helped pay for her wedding did not want anything to do with us or my family,I was heart broken she has had two children who i never get to see.She has never explained why other than-she hasn't want anything to do with me for a while. end of explaining- It has broken my heat i remember so foundly the things we used to do together see was the love of my life my baby girl. I have always worked jobs that were very demanding i know i have missed out on things but i did the best i could. As i get older i now resecpt my parents more knewing it is never easy being a parent. I know the divorce was never easy for my daughter . She see's her mother and her mother get to see the grandchildren. Her mother tells me she is afraid to intervene to far as our daughter would not let her see the grandchilren. the daughter is mean spirited toward my whole family. We have not hurt her or been mean to her. without knowing why i can't find closer. It drives me crazy. When i go to church I pray to GOD to find answers without my faith, i could not find peace ever. Without it the result would be terrible, my anger would consume me totally. i find it hard to trust my ex or my daughter. I'm deeply hurt

What is a father to do

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Aug 28, 2013
my daughter will not have anything to do with me or my family
by: Doreen U.K.

Rick due to lack of space I have had to expand on my first post.
The answer lies in your two statements. "I had a demanding job, and missed out on so much, but I tried my best to be a good dad." " I know the Divorce was difficult on her."
Demanding jobs means time away from your family. A divorce means separation from your estranged daughter. Working with a counsellor would tease out any difficulties and help you move forward better. Being angry is not the answer. Counselling would also help with anger issues. I have done the counselling bit years ago so know it works.
When my husband was dying of cancer and his 2 eldest children didn't visit him much. HE WAS HURT. I WAS HURT FOR HIM. I knew with him working away from home for over 47yrs. of his working life was hard for him. He didn't do it for fun. He did it for his family. His job gave him the cancer by working with Asbestos. A big double loss working for his family gave him cancer. He was robbed of Life, he earned. He missed out on retirement, seeing his Adult children, and now his grandchildren. With cancer he suddenly felt alone and forsaken. I reassured him that he was the Best He could be. He couldn't be in both places. He came home tired and fell asleep. The high price a man has to pay often for working a job and balancing this with family life. And often can lose out again with a divorce like a double punishment. For over 44yrs. I stayed with my husband out of deep love despite his job. I put my needs last. But just putting the needs of my family first gave me great joy and fulfilment. It was because This is what Jesus asks us to do. I have no REGRETS. This is just my story. We each have our own way of resolving our hurts and pain. Only Jesus can TAME a mean spirited daughter. If this happens you will get your daughter back. If you are around mean spirited people they drag you down. You need positive loving people around you. For now Concentrate on those you have with you and ask God to take away the hurt from your heart so you don't go crazy not seeing your estranged daughter. It is living with the consequences of our life Choices that hurt us the most and often there is nothing we can do. I learned that if I couldn't change my situation. I change my attitude towards my situation. This is how I survive.

Aug 28, 2013
my daughter will not have anything to do with me or my family.
by: Doreen U.K.

Rick I am sorry for your situation with your estranged daughter. Best you can do now is to FOCUS on those you have in your life and give them the best of you. Don't waste your time and energy on the estranged daughter. Don't look for answers as to WHY? You are losing precious time and relationship with those in your life who do matter.
I have a son who walked out on me the day I buried his father. It is too long a story to tell but briefly my husband worked as an exhibition carpenter and worked all over our country and the world. He was a good man but his focus was on providing for his family. This means that I became father and mother, whilst he worked away from home. A Son needs a male in his life to teach him how to be a man. so if my Adult children are angry at all it is always with Me. I took my children to church as children so they learn good values and turn out good. My son was a REBEL. Church was boring to him. He thought this was the worst thing I did to him to take him to church. So with an on going fragile relationship I let him go. Nothing I can do about this.
My eldest daughter was the PERFECT daughter. We had a great relationship till I started embracing another girl into our lives who was depressed and needed support. My Perfect daughter suddenly felt she should have come first. She didn't realise she was always first. So with this we fell out and she did not let me see the grandson. When she had a new baby girl she phoned her dad and left me out. I WAS HURT but didn't let it show. Due to this separation she missed out on her dad's cancer journey and He died. She came back for the funeral and has been back ever since. As soon as she walked in the door it was if nothing ever happened. I loved her the same unconditionally. The youngest lives with me after her Dad died. Even the best parent in the world will have trouble with their children. I didn't sit around wasting my time worrying about those who didn't want to be in my life. I cared for my husband with cancer I cared for this girl who was depressed. I looked after my pet birds, And I have been putting other people in my life who need support. I miss my son. But there is nothing I can do. This will be his loss. Even if I never saw my grandchildren it would hurt. But I would care for those disadvantaged. I would go to Church or Put Spiritual things and God in my life. This is how I survive. I know it hurts to not see your daughter. But don't get angry. Seek God in this and see what happens. God removes people from our lives for a reason and a season and sometimes He brings them back or not at all. FOCUS is the key to removing the hurt.

Aug 27, 2013
re; Your daughter
by: Mari

I am so sorry Rick. It sounds as if your daughter has some unresolved issues.Not getting to see your grandchildren is probably her way of getting even for imagined slights.Since she will not tell you the reasons it makes it harder to resolve the issue.
You are doing the right things by praying for her.However things like this can make one sick esp since you have no idea why she is acting this way. What I would do is give it over to God. You are carrying it and that is God's job.I would say,''In the name of Jesus I give this heartache over to you Lord.I know you will take care of it.'' Then let it go and just carry on as usual.
The more you realize that God is going to handle it the more faith you will have and peace of mind. There are many things beyond our control. Keep us posted. Take care of yourself. Mari

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