My daughter,my best friend

by elizabeth calavano
(amherst,ny)

Kayla was a happy,vibrant,loving and busy 21 y/o. The week of 8/8 As she prepared to go back to college(her senior year)she spent tues-weds with friends at the beach, thurs. morn Kayla,her younger brother and I went to p/u name change papers for her(she was surprising her stepdad with taking his last name)-she went to work and out with friends fri and sat- When she came home at 5am sun 8/15 and I spoke with her, little did I know that would be the last time.

All I know is around 12pm after sleeping some, she went into our upstairs half bath (her bathroom)just to "do her thing". We thought she had gone back to bed which was her norm and then would come down for dinner around 5pm. Our oldest boy(my stepson)found her on the floor in the bathroom at 4pm-we still don't know what happened except that she had used the toilet and then apparently passed away.

At first I kept telling myself whatever happened at least she was home but now it makes it worse. We never heard a thing and u can hear a pin drop from upstairs. Today makes 17 days since Kayla was taken and it just feels like a terrible nightmare. Both our boys saw their sister and the absolutely helpless feeling (as a nurse) when we found her that there was nothing we could do, I cant shake.

Kayla's life impacted so many lives and even though I know they are grieving we have become what feels like the forgotten- friends and family are uncomfortable and because of that they do not call or stop by. I wish people knew that just a quick call saying they are thinking of you is such a comfort.

Her baby brother is trying so hard to be so much like her and won't let himself grieve. Instead we see it in his panic stricken face when he doesn't know where one of us is.

2 months before her passing both myself and Kayla's best friend had multiple dreams that she was killed in a car accident. Her boyfriend had spoken with a minister who said we could take comfort that she was taken this way, quickly and painlessly(we assume)because of something worse that was to happen in her future. Regardless, no one should have to experience the pain of losing a child, yet so many of us do every day.

I take comfort in my faith and knowing she was baptized and we will see her again, but that doesn't change the fact that I want and miss her here. Words just cannot express the overwhelming emotions, helplessness and void the loss of your child leaves. Kayla will be missed and loved forever.

Comments for My daughter,my best friend

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Jun 24, 2012
it's been 22 month
by: liz c

22 long months without u/June has returned along with the panic attacks from the memories.2 years ago i had dreams of u passing away and spent 2 months begging u to be carefull-in all the dreams u died in your car-who knew it would be 2 months later and at home instead from an undiagnosed heart condition.Every year since when summer rolls around the panic and dread return.WHere i used to live in your room as much as possible now i avoid it.everything reminds me of u-u would be so proud of your baby brother-so many times thats all i can think of are the things u r missing and what we are missing without u.Nothing will ever dull the sting of this pain-every day my thoughts are with you-of you and about you.Love u baby girl-your momma

Nov 28, 2011
15 months
by: Anonymous

It has been 15 agonizing months without your sense of humor,the drama of your life, your smiles.I cant believe that God has still left me here without you.I keep longing for him to take me also but then I look at your brothers and know my job here isnt through even if your was.Amy and Lindsey came to visit-still so many tears for you-so many people missing "their rock",best friend and partner in crime.Life without u here is so very difficult baby girl-none of us will ever be the same again-All my love-momma

Oct 26, 2011
I feel your pain
by: J

I lost my daughter Alexis on 9-9-11 in a motorcycle accident along with her boyfriend, Chris. They were hit by a drunk driver. She was our families equilibrium, the rock, my BEST friend, only friend it seems. I miss her sooooo much and it pains me also to see life go on with out her. I know now what people who have lost a child go thru and I just want to say to God, "I get it..... let me wake up now." I wish i could take her place and let her be here to live her life with her brother, sister and Dad. I am also a nurse and find it so hard to explain my emotions to co workers, they just don't get it. Our lives are forever changed and I will never be the same. We have become close with Chris' family, and that helps. I just wish I had done something to keep her off that bike that day. The what ifs are horrendous. Please pray for us.

Jul 18, 2011
nicks birthday
by: your momma

It has been 11 long, agonizing months without you. Your baby brother 14th birthday was yesterday and he refused to allow a party this year. Yesterday as I dozed off I dreamt of that day last august and woke up in a panic. Your friends who had been such a big support for so long have stopped calling, texting or talking on facebook. Had planned a "celebration of life"-for the weekend you passed-a way for everyone to get together and tell Kayla stories at your favorite place-sunset beach, but now it isnt going to happen. It feels like everyone has forgotten even though I know they really havent. I struggle everyday with "survivors guilt" and the deep desire to be with you. I sit here remembering the times you played hooky from college while we went to breakfast when you knew I had a day off-much like you did as a little girl-playing sick for the school nurse so i'd come get you so we could spend time together. The movies we watched,the books we read-I have gone through almost every book in your room the past 11 months-anything to try and maintain that connection. My heart hurts everyday and firmly believe it is possible to die from a broken a heart. I love and miss you so much baby girl-what i wouldnt give for just one more day-to turn the clock back knowing what I know now but i still wonder if it would have even made a difference. Missed so much more than anyone can realize-loved with all that i am-longing for the day i can see you again-momma

May 09, 2011
mothers day
by: liz c

Yesterday was the first mothers day without you.I was determined I would not cry but that didnt last long. I lost it while planting flowers outside. Friday UB had a remembrance service-again your stepdad and i vowed we wouldnt cry and that didnt work either. It is just shy of 9 months without you-as it gets closer to the 1 year i can feel the panic attacks returning. Woke up at 330am mothers day from a nightmare about that day but the outcome was different. We found you withing minutes of your heart going into the abnormal rythm and i successfully performed cpr-wishfull thinking. Today is your friends sarah's 22nd birthday and this one is bothering me so very much. Watching their lives go on-as they all are graduating and moving on is very difficult.We should be celebrating your graduation from UB. We should have celebrated your 22nd birthday. Your brothers 14th bday will be bittersweet-that was the last family party you were at last year-28days later you were gone.I wore the necklace you gave me last mothers day-the key to your heart. WOrds can not express the pain of yesterday without you. You are so desperately missed.

Apr 24, 2011
My Son ,My Best Friend
by: George

I too have lost a child he is my son and my best friend . His name is Robert Christopher Little Bear. He passed on March 20th 2011 and i just can't believe that he's not here. I don't believe i will ever stop crying he was 36 years old God i hurt so much

Apr 21, 2011
my baby girl
by: elizabeth calavano

It has been 8 long agonizing months since you passed-it took 4 months to find out why-sudden cardiac death-another 3 months after that for me to find out you got the disease from me and I can experience the same thing-there are days I wish it would happen and then i look at your baby brother and ask GOD for a few more years-it is so hard though-torn between such a strong desire to be with you and needing to be here for everyone else-your diagnosis was a shock. Thankfully your baby brother is ok and i am glad we never knew about you-your only hope would have been a heart transplant and living everyday just waiting knowing what the inevitable would come would have been torture-just as i now walk around knowing i too have a "ticking time bomb" in my chest-I felt you near me last night but started to cry when i turned and realized i couldnt see or touch you. Nothing on earth can ever prepare a parent for the pain of losing a child and i so wish i wasnt part of this club. I drive your car everyday and that is so hard because you were such a stickler that no one but you ever drove it except that last thursday we spent together. How i wish you were here instead. Easter is sunday and at 21 last year you were mad at me for not doing the egg hunt and i promised we would this year but now you're not here. We hear from none of the family, not a peep since your funeral and if i could tell anyone 1 thing it would be to not abandon the families we have lost a child; because of your fear and discomfort-it is much worse for us-how i love and miss u baby girl-mommy

Apr 03, 2011
Ravaged
by: Anonymous

I lost my son 9 days ago. I still have trouble believing its true. I
tried to get him up for school and couldn't, he was 17. The pain
is so unbearable at times I feel that I might die from it. I have 3
other children all grown & my daughter 13 who witnessed the whole nightmare of my husband doing CPR, etc.. We are just lost
and don't know how we are going to live without Jacob. He wanted
so badly to become a Marine but was never shy about telling me he
loved me in front of anyone. I know our lives will never been the same again & I feel your pain. There is nothing harder that losing a
child so suddenly. All your hopes & dreams for them die too. My
prayers are with you & your family.

Nov 22, 2010
3 months
by: your mommy

As i sit here it is raining again and it always brings me back to your passing-that night we had a storm unlike this area has ever seen. It has been 3 months without your smile laughter, your smell or touch and i am so very broken hearted. Thurs is thanksgiving and soon Christmas and i just can't bring myself to become excited even for your brothers-dread putting up a tree, let alone any outside lights which i always love to do. I know it would make u angry that i didn't because of u- u loved the lights and took pictures every year and posted them on facebook- this year though u wont. All i know is i love u and miss u so very much- wish heaven would send u back.

Sep 24, 2010
I'm in this too...
by: Shirley

Lost my beautiful son, Dimitri, after he battled with leukemia. He was so brave. He went to Heaven on August 9th, 2010 and I'm still in shock. The one thing that comforts me is that I was able to hold him and hug him as his heart slowly stopped beating. I sang a song to him as he died that I sang to him when he was a baby. I am hurting.

Sep 16, 2010
Your friends
by: kaylas mom

Such wonderful friends u had- but of course you were such a good friend to them- they are grieving so hard especially your boyfriend Josh-i worry so about them all. The lives you've touched are uncountable and I still can't believe you're not here. Everywhere i go there are reminders of u-I bought your brand of shampoo yesterday just so i could smell it.I spray your perfume too for the same reason. I struggle with the why of all of this. I read other people comments and I too like Kevin wonder why OUR KIDS.

I just miss and love u so much- wish the pain and tears would end but i know they never will- i dread Christmas and your birthday in January-you would have been 22- had it marked in your day planner- found the cards gave u for 21st birthday in your room and i meant every word- The pride and love i felt for you and still do will never end even tough ur no longer here-love u baby girl- momma

Sep 11, 2010
Kayla
by: elizabeth

Tomorrow marks 4 weeks since you passed away and we still have no answers as to why or what happened. Our lives are dangling in mid air like we are waiting for the other shoe to fall. You and your best friend had gone to a benefit to raise funds for a young women who passed last year from leukemia who your best friend Chrissy knew-that was Jacquies tinker ball.

Yesterday Chrissy came by to tell me her and Amy are training for a marathon to run in your honor but couldn't decide on a picture for the t-shirts they want to wear because not one picture encompasses who you were. I wear your ring around my neck and your kitty, Oreo, who only would cuddle and love on you now cuddles and loves on me.She misses you too.

I go in your room and can't believe i wont see you in there sleeping ever again.I see your car and think "Kaylas home" and then remember that you're with Jesus. I just struggle every day to understand why God chose to take you now when you had so much to do. You were starting your senior year at ub working on a double major.The college called me 2 weeks ago to let me know u had enough credits for your degree. They will let me know if I can accept it for you with your graduating class.

So many people are struggling with their grief over your death. Nothing will ever be the same again. Your little brother is hurting so bad but wont talk about it. You were his rock, his hero and the one he turned to for so much because he is the quiet shy one-you weren't.

You made friends everywhere you went. One of your coworkers found a quote that describes u perfectly "She was beautiful, not in the obvious way most girls were but in a outspoken passionately flawed way. It was scary to some, endearing to others and you liked it that way. You were a mystery and always running away but if you could get her to stand still-even for a minute she would love you with all she had".

I love and miss you-momma

Sep 06, 2010
Why our children??
by: Kevin

I too have lost my precious 17 year old daughter and best friend. It was a car accident in which she was a passenger, on May 11th of 2010. What a horrible day that was when I received the phone call at work. The world turned upside down for me, and it still is. I have talked to other parents that have lost children several years ago, and as we all suspect, these feelings will never go away, we just have to try live in harmony with them. People just don't understand that, no, life doesn't just go on! God bless us all and our families.

Sep 04, 2010
My precious Daughter is gone.
by: Anonymous

I just lost my Daughter 2 weeks ago and the pain is unbearable. She was 26 years old and had her whole life ahead of her. I am sad, angry, depressed, and on an emotional rollercoaster. There is no grief like losing your child. I still haven't recovered from losing my Parents, so I know this pain will never end. Never.

Sep 01, 2010
So sorry for your loss
by: Judy

Losing a child is the worst kind of pain any parent will ever have to endure. I lost my only grandchild on Christmas Eve. 2002 to SIDS, her name was Ariauna Markee she was 2 months 2 days old. Then on July 18th - 2003 my daughter Bobbi Jo (Ariauna's Mommy) was killed in a car accident, she was 20 years old. I take some comfort in knowing Bobbi Jo is with her baby again.if you would like to see their website it is at
www.bobbijosisk.com

Sep 01, 2010
Sudden loss
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you and your family. I know the depth of your loss, my 19 year old daughter passed on May 13 of this year. It was sudden also. You are right, there are no words to describe the deep loss of a child. I know your life, as mine, will never be the same again.

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