My daughter,my best friend

by elizabeth calavano
(amherst,ny)

Kayla was a happy,vibrant,loving and busy 21 y/o. The week of 8/8 As she prepared to go back to college(her senior year)she spent tues-weds with friends at the beach, thurs. morn Kayla,her younger brother and I went to p/u name change papers for her(she was surprising her stepdad with taking his last name)-she went to work and out with friends fri and sat- When she came home at 5am sun 8/15 and I spoke with her, little did I know that would be the last time.

All I know is around 12pm after sleeping some, she went into our upstairs half bath (her bathroom)just to "do her thing". We thought she had gone back to bed which was her norm and then would come down for dinner around 5pm. Our oldest boy(my stepson)found her on the floor in the bathroom at 4pm-we still don't know what happened except that she had used the toilet and then apparently passed away.

At first I kept telling myself whatever happened at least she was home but now it makes it worse. We never heard a thing and u can hear a pin drop from upstairs. Today makes 17 days since Kayla was taken and it just feels like a terrible nightmare. Both our boys saw their sister and the absolutely helpless feeling (as a nurse) when we found her that there was nothing we could do, I cant shake.

Kayla's life impacted so many lives and even though I know they are grieving we have become what feels like the forgotten- friends and family are uncomfortable and because of that they do not call or stop by. I wish people knew that just a quick call saying they are thinking of you is such a comfort.

Her baby brother is trying so hard to be so much like her and won't let himself grieve. Instead we see it in his panic stricken face when he doesn't know where one of us is.

2 months before her passing both myself and Kayla's best friend had multiple dreams that she was killed in a car accident. Her boyfriend had spoken with a minister who said we could take comfort that she was taken this way, quickly and painlessly(we assume)because of something worse that was to happen in her future. Regardless, no one should have to experience the pain of losing a child, yet so many of us do every day.

I take comfort in my faith and knowing she was baptized and we will see her again, but that doesn't change the fact that I want and miss her here. Words just cannot express the overwhelming emotions, helplessness and void the loss of your child leaves. Kayla will be missed and loved forever.