My dear husband of 56 years died April 25, 2013.

by Maretta
(Temple, Texas)

Grandson's Eagle Scout ceremony

Grandson's Eagle Scout ceremony

Grandson's Eagle Scout ceremony
at ham radio show

It has been 3 1/2 months since I lost the dearest man I could have ever had. He did not deserve to suffer as he did the last few months, especially the last 3 weeks. It was a rare slow growing cancer, Carcinoid. I see the pictures of him near the end, I see his emancipated body and cry for so long. He could not eat anything he liked, and what he did eat fed the cancer, not him. Diarrhea for months, rushes to the bathroom, horrible weight loss. It hurts so much to think of what he went through. He loved me so much and I know part of his depression was losing me. Also he mourned family disturbances that had gone on for so long. We vowed to come together and forgive and forget. We told him and showed him that we were OK with one another. I hope he felt some comfort in this.
His mass and service was beautiful with a string quartet and a soprano soloist. I could meet people. I could get all the immediate financial stuff done. I could remove strong reminders such as his clothes and chest from our bedroom.
But now, I am so sad , look terrible from months of crying, have had to deal with so many things involved with house that were major. Right now the security system is broken.
My legs ache at night, I am in real pain in the morning, I don't exercise as I did. I am so miserable. I eat what I need as I have early macular degeneration. I am going to a specialist in Fl. Soon.
I just have lost interest in so much, and this is new. I am organizing pictures and that helps. My hair is thinner.
So, as you see, my heart and body are suffering more and more as time goes by.

Comments for My dear husband of 56 years died April 25, 2013.

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Aug 12, 2013
My dear husband of 56 years died April 25, 2013.
by: Shirley

Marietta, I am so sorry for your loss. My own loss is so recent that it is hard for me to offer much comfort.
I have realized through reading your post and other's that grief is real. It is hard and I pray everyday that God will help me through this. Almost all of the things I have heard described are the same things I am feeling. I am so lost and feel like I will never find my way out of this confusion. I find myself asking, "When did he go", even though I was there when he took his last breath. One day he was here and then he was gone and he feels so far away.
My sister lost her husband several years ago and constantly told me that I had not idea what it would be like. My husband had been sick for so long and we knew that his disease would eventually end his life. I thought I was prepared, but, just as my sister told me, I had no idea.
I do find comfort in reading what others have to say about their own grief and how it does get better. I wish I had words like that for you but I am not there yet. My prayer will be that you do find comfort and that all the other's who are in our position also find comfort. Never had any idea it would be this way.

Aug 12, 2013
No purpose
by: Darlene

Marietta, I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. Know too well what you are going through. I lost my husband also. One minute he was alive , then he was dead. We are in a private club now. The journey is unbearable. I am in my 10 month and I still cry everyday . I miss him so much. Have no family or friends that give me any support. They treat me like I have a contagious disease and stay away. I guess they think it will not happen to them if they stay far away from me. no one understands until you live through it. I hope you are getting the support you need. If ever you need a friend to talk to I am available. I find talking to someone who is living in my shoes is good therapy . Here is my email You can find my story on this web site under YOUR SPACE. My title is No Purpose.
Take care .

Aug 12, 2013
My dear husband of 56 years died April 25, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Maretta Life is so cruel. I am sorry for your loss of your husband. 3 1/2 months is far too early to even start to feel your healing from your loss.
I was caregiver to my husband for 3yrs.39days with a deadly cancer that slowly left his body emaciated and weak, and dying slowly for over 3yrs. He was a former body builder and it hurt him to have a weak body. His pain was crushing him and I had to watch the man I loved and married to for 44yrs. slowly fade away. Looking into the face of the man you love and know he didn't want to die carries its own pain. My husband had blood clots from his Chemotherapy and had to have daily injections in his abdomen. He got shingles in his eye. My husband had a black and blue swollen eye that closed and very painful. He fell down in the garden and lay on the ground for 45 minutes on a cold ground because the ambulance took too long. He ended up with pneumonia. His story is too long. He was let down by the medical profession due to lack of funding to give the right pain medication. 3yrs.39days is a long time to see someone suffer so much and feel helpless. Cancer made him irritable and aggressive. Cancer changed his personality. He was hurt over dying and not living to enjoy his retirement. Just like you we had the same problems. My husband tried to sort them out. I encouraged him by letting him know he was the best husband and father he could be. I think these issues come with the territory of having cancer and wanting to resolve unfinished business. WE have the time now to try and make things right in our world before we die. But we can only try so much. Much we have to resolve if we can and let go of the rest and forgive ourselves and others for shortcomings which is part of living in a fallen world. I know how you feel. My husband was 65yrs. and died 16 days before his 66th birthday. He lost out on his retirement from his working life of 47yrs. Like most men reaching retirement. This is the time many die. This is so hard to understand and live with. Take one day at a time. I lost my motivation to do anything. I lay on the couch for days into months and let TV nurture me back to life. I ate only oven food till I could handle cooking. I then started structuring my day with what I could do. 2 jobs a day. Scaled back to 1 job. Some days I did nothing. I paced myself cleaning the house. Looking back now in 15 months I have accomplished a lot. I feel better for having nurtured myself this way. I still have days of no motivation. This is O.K. I don't have to work to a timetable. My body felt all beat up with grief. I ached from head to toe. I am now able to do the gardening and love my time out there. I miss my husband desperately and always will. But I believe in God. Walk with every day. I have the HOPE of seeing my husband again. This keeps me going every day. I wish you life's best support in your grief and loss and don't give up! life will get easier in time.

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