My dear husband of 56 years died April 25, 2013.
Grandson's Eagle Scout ceremony
It has been 3 1/2 months since I lost the dearest man I could have ever had. He did not deserve to suffer as he did the last few months, especially the last 3 weeks. It was a rare slow growing cancer, Carcinoid. I see the pictures of him near the end, I see his emancipated body and cry for so long. He could not eat anything he liked, and what he did eat fed the cancer, not him. Diarrhea for months, rushes to the bathroom, horrible weight loss. It hurts so much to think of what he went through. He loved me so much and I know part of his depression was losing me. Also he mourned family disturbances that had gone on for so long. We vowed to come together and forgive and forget. We told him and showed him that we were OK with one another. I hope he felt some comfort in this.
His mass and service was beautiful with a string quartet and a soprano soloist. I could meet people. I could get all the immediate financial stuff done. I could remove strong reminders such as his clothes and chest from our bedroom.
But now, I am so sad , look terrible from months of crying, have had to deal with so many things involved with house that were major. Right now the security system is broken.
My legs ache at night, I am in real pain in the morning, I don't exercise as I did. I am so miserable. I eat what I need as I have early macular degeneration. I am going to a specialist in Fl. Soon.
I just have lost interest in so much, and this is new. I am organizing pictures and that helps. My hair is thinner.
So, as you see, my heart and body are suffering more and more as time goes by.