My Dear Mum Left on Feb 10, 2014
I'm here because I am so sad that it feels like I am collapsing inside. My mom died on the 10th of Feb, just a few days ago, and I didn't learn of it till the next morning when her partner called me.
We were close, but lived across the country. She was 81 and I am 46. I miss her terribly. My father stole us away from her when we were young and she lived a very sad life and I tried so hard to be a good son as much as I could but what can ever make up for this?
I am not religious at all, but I am a very sensitive person and the world is very hard for me to live in and I feel that this has happened because my brother (who turned out to be a thief and stole lots of money from her) and my father were not good to her. She had one of the warmest hearts in the world and I spoke with her every day for the last six years even though I couldn't afford to visit her. The guilt I have for not being able to give her a better life is so overwhelming .
I loved my dear mum so much and I just don't know what it is going to be like to live in a world where I know she is not here anymore. I am poor, have very few friends, and work a lot just to make ends meet in my single, solitary life and I feel like every day is going to be even harder now knowing that she is gone. I know she loved me unconditionally and noone else ever has, she loved me for all my bad and good sides and I am so incredibly lonely right now.
I must mention too that my mother lost her parents when she was young and she was adopted by family members who never really loved her and now that she has gone I realize that I failed to be successful enough to give her even a bit of a decent life.
I cannot believe how incredibly sad I am. I have been crying for the last three days and I feel like I am permanently broken and a total failure.