My Dear Mum Left on Feb 10, 2014

by Mark
(Arizona)

I'm here because I am so sad that it feels like I am collapsing inside. My mom died on the 10th of Feb, just a few days ago, and I didn't learn of it till the next morning when her partner called me.

We were close, but lived across the country. She was 81 and I am 46. I miss her terribly. My father stole us away from her when we were young and she lived a very sad life and I tried so hard to be a good son as much as I could but what can ever make up for this?

I am not religious at all, but I am a very sensitive person and the world is very hard for me to live in and I feel that this has happened because my brother (who turned out to be a thief and stole lots of money from her) and my father were not good to her. She had one of the warmest hearts in the world and I spoke with her every day for the last six years even though I couldn't afford to visit her. The guilt I have for not being able to give her a better life is so overwhelming .

I loved my dear mum so much and I just don't know what it is going to be like to live in a world where I know she is not here anymore. I am poor, have very few friends, and work a lot just to make ends meet in my single, solitary life and I feel like every day is going to be even harder now knowing that she is gone. I know she loved me unconditionally and noone else ever has, she loved me for all my bad and good sides and I am so incredibly lonely right now.

I must mention too that my mother lost her parents when she was young and she was adopted by family members who never really loved her and now that she has gone I realize that I failed to be successful enough to give her even a bit of a decent life.

I cannot believe how incredibly sad I am. I have been crying for the last three days and I feel like I am permanently broken and a total failure.

Comments for My Dear Mum Left on Feb 10, 2014

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Feb 15, 2014
thank you
by: Mark

thank you very much doreen and marge...this is so helpful to me...i am suffering alone and it is so hard because there are times i just want to curl up and die but i am trying every moment though i miss my mom so very very much...how does anyone get through such intense feelings? i have had many little tragedies in my life but nothing compares to this...nothing

Feb 15, 2014
My Dear Mum Left on Feb 10, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Mark I am sorry for your loss of your dear mother. I feel your pain so deeply and know how these early first days of loss feel like. If you feel yourself struggling as the days go by you would benefit from seeing a grief counsellor for support since you say you have no one. I got through my grief by very good family support which was invaluable. Don't suffer alone and in isolation as it just makes grief that much harder. Healing is such a slow process.
Don't beat yourself up about what you didn't do for your mother and how you think you could have made her life better. I am sure if you could have done so you would have made this possible. Concentrate on what you did do for your mother and that was to be in contact with her by phone every day. I am a mother to 3 Adult children and I understand the needs my adult children have and how busy life is and they have their limitations also. Life demands are so high. WE all wish we could have done more for our loved ones. Grief assaults us but make sure to change your thinking so that grief does not assault you to bring you down. We all have to find ways to pick ourselves up. One way you can do this is to do many good things for yourself each day to pick up your self esteem. Build on this and as you get stronger you will cope better. Unfortunately we all have to go through grief. We have to let it run it's course. The best way forward is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. You will get through the days better. Being a mother I know that children want to do more but are not able. You lived some distance away and couldn't get to see your mother. Often we can't avoid the circumstances we are left with and often have to make the best out of a bad situation. This is how we survive and I am sure your mother would have learned this also. WE can't take away our parents pain. WE each have our own journey and even having a painful life teaches us character and strength. It is not all negative. Many of us know our parents suffered and to a degree we carry their pain with us. But find a way to only carry your own load and remember your mother is not suffering any more. Her suffering is over. WE have to find a way to resolve our pain and this takes time and thinking in a way which will allow us not to carry heavy burdens. But to lay them down. I believe in God and Lay my burdens on God. He carries them for me. God invites us to do this. WE find our strength in God. May God comfort you in your sorrow and give you his peace.

Feb 14, 2014
Your Mom
by: Marge

Mark - so very sorry to read of the recent loss of your Mom. Even though you didn't live close by I am sure you were always close in your heart. I am 80 years old and lost my youngest son, age 50, on Feb. 10, 2012. You say you are not religious but that should not have any affect on the love you had for your Mother. Please try to stay strong, although I know it is difficult. Think of happy memories you had during her lifetime.

Fondly, Marge M. (MD)

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