My dear mum

by Loving daughter

My mum was my best friend. The hard life she had with my controlling dad, he was a bricklayer, worked hard, drank hard. If everything wasnt perfect, mum would get punished. Mum was of a nervous disposition, on numerous anti depressants. a bit on edge. but the kindest loving person anyone could wish for. Dads antics went unoticed for a while. i would come home to mum lying on the couch, bruises all over neck, and having being punched mostly where it didnt show, somewhere hidden, so neighbours wouldnt see the bruises. Or worse if he wanted something else. Turned my mum to having a few drinks. Within time drink turned to be a comfort to her. One drink, then another .. Sleeping her days away mostly....and so this went on, my mother loved my dad soo much. There never was anyone else but him. His anger grew stronger, my mums urge for alcohol increased to the point of hiding bottles, cans in the washing machine, under the sink, in the oven, sounds funny... Not when you see the hurt that your dear mums going through! Then she left dad, with my encouragement, to build a new life without him. Only for my mum to be weak, missing him. He came back into her life. A few hospital trips later, then split again. He warned her never to go with anyone else. She was lonely and scared. I tried to support her. Do up her new little house. Little did I know, she was paying either a neighbour or local taxi driver to bring her back booze from the off licence. Then the call from her sister, sobing"your mothers dead" i never have recovered from that day. She is in my thoughts every day...
The smallest things remind me of her. God bless my dear mum" rest in peace, you are soo loved, miss you mum. <3 Xxx

Comments for My dear mum

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Dec 01, 2012
My dear mum
by: Doreen U.K.

Loving Daughter I am so sorry for your loss of family life. Your loss of having a normal Dad. Your loss of your Mum to die a sad death.
You are such a brave and strong woman to support your mum the way you did and for giving her the strength to leave your dad because of his violence. Also you have supported your mum in the best way you could and sadly your mum got addicted to alcohol as a way of coping and blocking out her pain. Your mum became scared as one would do when being treated with violence. She was in a cycle of Fear where she would have thought that no matter how far she moved away it wouldn't be far away as the violence was in her system. She couldn't get rid of the memories of this violence. This in itself would break a daughter's heart.
I hope you are getting the support you need from other family and friends. Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to see a counsellor and talk over all these issues so that in time you won't attract a man who has violent tendencies and you also become a victim in the future. Often when we have grown up or been surrounded with violence we tend to attract these same people in our lives and so the cycle is never broken. With good ongoing counselling this pattern can be broken.
You need to look after yourself and surround yourself with loving caring people. You need this. I was born in Scotland and I am aware of the difficulties with jobs and just living that can cause a person to be as your family was. I am also aware of Scotland having a strong Alcohol culture as Whisky is the trademark of Scotland and the culture lends itself to a wee dram. But I can't condone violence and a woman being beaten or afraid to live where she becomes dependent on alcohol as her source of comfort and support. I have a history of poverty living in Scotland and my mother became dependent on alcohol. My mother died 9 yrs. ago. She also was a very unhappy woman and now at peace.

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