My dearest love

My husband died less than a week ago. He was the love of my life, my best friend, and the best man I ever knew. I have felt ripped, shattered, empty, and hopeless all in less than a week. Tomorrow is his memorial. I have never felt a grief like this. It is overwhelming. The future seems so pointless. I have only learned one lesson so far on how to cope. I can be angry and fall into the sink hole of misery, or I can be grateful. One way makes the hurts worse, the other brings in small glimpses of joy.

Comments for My dearest love

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Aug 13, 2014
Lost my soulmate/husband
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss of your husband at 66yrs. I have just turned 66yrs. last week, and lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. to a deadly cancer 2yrs.3months ago. He was 65yrs. when he died. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days before he died.
I felt every word you wrote. My Beloved Steve did not have his retirement. He came out of work 2yrs. before retirement with this MESOTHELIOMA (Lung cancer caused by working with asbestos.) He lived 11months into retirement with no quality of life he died in severe cancer pain. Our doctors failed him due to the lack of resources into good patient care. He did not get the pain medication into him till the day he died. My husband wanted to die at home. I made sure he got his wish. The hospice nurses came in to care for Steve during the night so I could get some rest. I only took one night off, and when I got up in the morning Steve told me he was in pain all night and the nurse would not give him an injection. I had to phone the morning staff and they took over 3hrs. I had to ring all around and comfort my husband at the same time screaming down the phone for help. That was the day my husband died. The night nurse walked in and when Steve drew his last breath I let out my anger at her, despite a room full of people paying their respects. I had to confront her for not giving Steve an injection for Pain. whether she accepted responsibility or not. Oh! how it hurts so deeply. What he suffered. How he died. A Saint of a man who wanted to live, and deserved to enjoy life having put in 47yrs. of hard graft for his family. I know how you feel. Just when I think I am healing, I feel more pain from some memory. My greatest pain comes from the 3yrs.39days of his suffering. He had enough time to wonder when he was going to die. WE refused to know when. But our relatives asked behind my back and I later found out Steve had one week to live. I am glad I didn't know otherwise I may have spent the week crying and thinking about me. This way it was ALL ABOUT HIM. The way I lived my life. FOR HIM.
May God pick us up when we are down and help us carry this burden of grief.

Aug 09, 2014
Lost my soulmate/husband
by: Jeane

I lost my soul mate, husband, lover of 38 years three weeks ago. When i met him 44 years ago on the beach I told my girlfriend i will marry him one day. We just retired and having the time of our lives when we thought he was having a tia but it was a brain tumor. He was almost finished with his six weeks of treatments, good one day and had pneumonia from chemo the next. He suffered for eleven days but could not fight anymore. He kept telling me he was not going to die because we had too much to do but the night before he was using and signals telling me he was not doing well. As i got to icu the next morning they were putting him on vent, shocking him, bagging him. I finally told them to disconnect him because there was no hope he was drowning. He fought hard even then . Yes I am mad at docs for not putting him on meds earlier to prevent this, but I must go on. I cry almost everyday and will never get over this. I know he would want me to go on and learn to pull our fifth wheel but it just will not be the same. He was too young, 66 and just diagnosed with GBM and yes there is no cure but we were hoping for at least 14 months not two. My kids are a help but they cannot replace him. Yes I hope he will walk into the room and no I do not go into our room much. I am also so mad for giving us bad luck always but we always dealt with it and said if we did not have bad luck we would not have any luck at all.

May 09, 2014
My dearest love
by: Canada

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dearest love as well, only 3 months ago. I grieve and cry for her every day. We were married 26 years and even if I live another 26 years, I will never get over losing her. I hope and I pray that I will be able to function somewhat normally in time but I also know that I will never get over her loss. How do you get over such a huge loss? I attend grief meetings and keep busy and take each day one hour at at time. I am so lost and empty without her. I spend time with friends and family but at the end of the day, I am alone, I am without her and that really hurts. I read all the good material I can find on grieving and that helps a bit. I do hope that you have someone that you can open up to and who listens to you without trying to "fix you". Take care

May 07, 2014
My dearest love
by: Pat F

I don't think any word can describe the pain you are feeling right now. like you my husband passed 2 months ago, my life took a different turn since then. People tell me that time will heal me, and things will get easier and that's what I'm doing right now. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter that keeps me going ,I'm like many people, I felt that life have a different meaning , I miss him every second of the day, but the best thing I have done its to pray and pray and pray. I will keep you in my can be unfair at times

May 06, 2014
my dearest love
by: silver

I know exactly how you feel..My soulmate died on May 29,2011.We had been married for 33 yrs. I was in shock for a long time...don't get me wrong...I grieved so much..The first 3 months,I didn't even get dressed except when I had to. I slept most of the days away..I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he was really gone...I wish I could tell you that you will reach a point where you don't feel this way but I can't. I can tell you that you get to a point where you are better able to handle it.It has been 3 yrs this month for me and I still cry sometimes..I still have those split seconds where I expect to turn around and see him...I hate the silence and turn on the TV just to hear someone talking(I was not a big TV watcher before)...I still haven't given his clothes away...BUT..I AM getting better..I go to church...I go to visit people in a nursing home.. I go to our favorite restaurant on occasion.. It does get easier..I pray each night for those like us who have sent loved ones on ahead of us.I pray for the strength for us to keep going..My faith in GOD is what has kept me sane.I send you prayers for peace. Remember, there are those of us who know how you feel and that nothing is abnormal when it comes to grief..We all have our own ways.Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or how long..My parents died within 18 months of my husband and I can tell you that the grief I felt when my husband died was the worst I ever went through..WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER..GOD bless and keep you.

May 06, 2014
Deepest sympathy
by: Lawrence

I am so incredibly sorry for you, the agony and overwhelming despair you feel at losing a beloved husband has no comparison to anything you will ever have experienced in your life.
To ease the pain slightly and help your body and soul recover, is to help nature and cry, cry and cry; although I’m sure you are doing that already, a week is nothing in this grieving process.
You have joined a web site of likewise people who are also in agony at losing a spouse, parent or child.
I lost a precious wife on Christmas Day 2012 after being together for nearly seventy years and my life is so empty without her.
When she died I truly didn’t want to live, but as you can see as the months pass the anguish and pain lessens, realization dawns, so much so that I am able to write to you offering comfort and succor and I hope that the incredible nightmare you are going through will soon ease as indeed it will in time.
You will get through the memorial with the help of your family and friends who will hold you up with their love.
I don’t know how long you were married for but you must thank God for the wonderful years of love and passion you shared, very few people are lucky enough to experience it.
You are in all our prayers.

May 06, 2014
My dearest love
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your husband a week ago. Oh! how we all remember how it was for us. The worst Pain ever. Nothing like it. It made me feel I would never recover. I lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. 2yrs. ago yesterday. IT STILL HURTS. Even though I have moved forward.
You say you have learned one thing, that you can either fall into this sinkhole of misery, or you can be greatful. We don't have a choice here as to how we deal with grief, perhaps thinking if we have the right attitude or if we think positive it will get better. Grief doesn't work like this. IT IS A PROCESS we all go through. One thing I learned is that I had to fall through that sinkhole of misery before I could come out the other end and find the joy of being married to this man who was the love of my life, and I was very GREATFUL for loving and knowing him and having him in my life. Grief assaults us and makes us act in ways we don't want to. Cry when you need to. Wherever you need to. Don't mind people, because they don't know your pain. They don't know how bad your grief is or how great a loss this has been to you. ONLY YOU DO. Don't try to be brave and act Prim and Proper around those who expect this of you, whilst you are dying inside.
None of us knew what Grief felt like till we lost a spouse. It is worse than crushing. I could not function for 6 months. I did nothing, but watch TV and provide this distraction that in time helped me. Only then did I start to recover a little. The LONELINESS and EMPTINESS are the experiences that are the hardest to cope with.
Try and build yourself up by doing one good thing each day for yourself and build on this till it becomes a way of life. Only then will you start to heal and be able to move forward. IT TAKES TIME. Don't push yourself hard to recover. It will happen NATURALLY without you even having to try. Grief doesn't have a timetable of recovery. It is a personal journey for each of us with different histories and life experiences which we come together to share here in support to other's. We are/have survived our loss and so will you even if it doesn't feel like it now.

May 05, 2014
i understand
by: bluebird

My husband died about a year & a half ago, and I feel the same way. I'm sorry you are in this horrible position, too. I hope it gets better for you.

May 05, 2014
My dearest love
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

You are feeling the way all of us felt in the early days, weeks and months after the death of our spouse or life partner.
After the death of my husband of 46 years to a massive heart attack, I felt and still feel a part of me died with him. He will be gone 3 years on June 27th. Our lives are never the same, but we do slowly learn how to go on without them. I joined a grief support group through my church and finding this site to go on as often as I could was my way of dealing with my grief. Everyone grieves differently and there isn't a time limit on our grief. We have to deal with it in our own way. What works for one may not work for another. My faith in a higher power which I call my God was also a way of dealing with my grief. I read as much as I could on grief and dying and I prayed alot. You are not alone and just take it one day at a time. All of us on this site truly understand. My love and blessings to you.

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