My death, a sweet release
It's been almost 3 months since I lost my beloved wife to cancer. I've reached out to groups and therapists for relief and have found little. They all keep saying it'll get better......that memory will fade. My psychiatrist said normal grief should last but 2 months. What does he know? He hasn't lost his wife. The group is a little better because they've all experienced the terrible loss.
I believe the only real relief I'll succeed with is death itself, "death's sweet release". I'm so lonely for her that I feel dead already, so why not the real thing? I keep saying to myself that the 'grim reaper' is and will be my friend.
What about faith? I seem to have none, only a faint desperate hope that I'll see her again when this life is finally laid down. I have all my affairs in order, a living trust, bills paid and directions to my family.
There's just no repair of the aching void, the great hole in my soul and heart that is shaped just like Joan. I still dream about her, screaming and crying in my sleep.