Today it has been 3 months since my mother’s death. I started crying at work and I went into the ladies restroom and cried like a baby. She died on December 6, 2013. She would have been 60 December 22. And of course there’s Christmas. So let’s say it’s been really hard. My mom has been sick my whole life and I took care of her. I was home schooled at one point so I could take care of her. Fall of 2009 she had her first major stroke that paralyzed her right side. She was a major smoker and that didn’t help with her strokes at all. If anything it made it worst. On top of the high blood pressure and her not taking her meds because she had a hard time swallowing the pills. My mom was stubborn, she didn’t like the taste so we tried to find ways to make it taste better but she still didn’t take them. I’m 25 and it felt like I was my moms mother for such a long time. This is the first time in my life that I don’t have to take care of anyone and I don’t have anyone to worry about so I feel lost and disconnected. When I was younger, I thought if my mother died, I knew for a fact I would die with her. Strangely enough I’m still here, surviving. Taking it day by day. Her health failed so quickly that I prayed to God, lord take her now. I don’t want to see her like this. She wouldn’t want to be liked this. I told her it was okay if it was her time to go. She passed later that night. I wonder now if I should have prayed to God asking to take her now. I miss her. She was a huge part of my life and piece of me died along with her. I’ve disappeared from social networking and I moved from the state I was living when she passed. I basically ran away to the state she consider her home. I miss her. I miss when we use to talk and I would make her laugh. She was always laughing. Mostly laughing at me and all my shenanigans. She was the first person I ever loved. I loved her more than me. She was everything to me. She still is. I miss you Mama.