its chapter two now i am nearly 40 - i lost my mum just over a month ago and my dad two and a half years ago - i worry i will mess up the future make the wrong decisions - i kept life normal until the funeral and then came to my friend in america - not sure what the right thing to do was but had to get away from everyone asking me that question what am i going to do - i miss speaking to them on the phone - i worry they never saw me marry or have children i feel i failed them- i feel very disconnected and alone - i go back to the uk at the end of the week - i have made important decisions i have to find the courage to carry them out - my mum was disabled with disability breads guilt - she has freed me but i am scared to fly