My Family No Longer
I was twenty when I met who I was convinced was the love I had been searching for. I was twenty; unsure of myself, naive, and hoping for anyone to love me. He was twenty seven, with two children, and a lot of unfinished business with his last relationship. I fought myself into his heart, and he welcomed me as best as he could. We were together, battling with his ex for six months before we decided that we wanted to move forward, he wanted me to meet his children, I wanted to make him happy.
I thought my heart was full until I met his two boys, five and seven, and I fell into a whole different level of love. It was instant, and it was sure.
Over the next year and a half, a court battle for custody, a proposal, debt, stress, resentment, I watched myself keep it together for those boys and for those boys only. At work I was bitter and lost, not the bright eyed, ambitious girl I was before. I was distant from my family and my friends. All I cared about was helping the boys through the vindictive acts of their parents. I fell out of love with their father, I felt hatred towards their mother, it killed me inside, all of the negativity, yet when I was with my boys, I couldn't be anything but happy.
My parents wanted me out of the situation, my friends begged me to see what I was too blind to. After his eldest sons 8th birthday party, I decided it was time to save myself. I knew it would hurt like hell, but the years of lost savings, shattered ideas of what love truly was, and living with an already broken heart, leaving had to be a more hopeful alternative than staying.
I packed up my life, and said goodbye to the two small loves of my life, and left.
Now, I am sharing my story from my apartment in Australia. I quit my job, and moved here from Alberta. My life has been turned upside down but everything leading to this change was necessary. I will always love those boys, they were my family, they were my home. I do not regret any moments of that life. It was meant to happen, I was meant to live it.
For anyone in a situation like this, you cannot risk your happiness, your soul, your heart to make someone else happy. This is not the way to live, you deserve good, you deserve to be happy.
I deserve to be happy.