My Father Died Infront of Me

by Brian Foreman
(Pittsburgh, PA, USA)

Just over four months ago before Christmas on December 4, 2013, my father went to take the dog out early in the morning and feed the birds that await what he would treat them to every morning in the bird feeder in our garden.I was sitting there watching a Biography of the Mamas and The Papas. California Dreamin' was from my dad's era and the last song he heard. I hadn't slept that night because I was suffering from a major depression. He started coming back through the door a lot quicker than I had expected him to. He stepped inside, dropped the chain with my dog attached to it.He looked at me with a look of shock, maybe fear, I will never forget. Our eyes met and I believe I watched him see his own life flash before his eyes. He then collapsed onto the arm of a recliner in front of me. This stunned me, but I thought that he must be fainting and then He rose very strong and sharp and then fell back again horizontally across the chair. I still thought, he fainted. His eyes were open, although. The sight of his blood shot eyes that were just frozen and staring through me will haunt me forever. My mind was racing. I ran to the land line to call 911 and I ran so fast it flew behind the couch so I had to run 2 steps at a time( faster than I have ever run) up the stairs to our kitchen land line. I called 911 and a gentlemen answered saying "911, please give me the address of your emergency and I sad told him what had happened. He instructed me to lift my Father off the chair and onto the floor and then listen for any breathing coming from his mouth. There was none. The paramedics happened to be right down the street when the call came in. They were there within 4-5 minutes. I was in shock. My Mom goes to church in the mornings and she decided to go shopping afterward which isn't normal. She would have been there but instead she was following the ambulances to our neighborhood hoping that nothing had happened to a neighbor. No, it was my dad. They were saying DOA(Dead on Arrival) in front of me while they shocked him and I gave info. I knew he was gone but my Mom held out hope. We drove almost in silence to the ER. WITHIN 20-30 MIN WE WERE TOLD THAT MY DEAREST FATHER, THE BEST MAN I EVER KNEW, MY BEST FRIEND, MY ROCK, WAS DEAD. (I didn't mean for that to be in caps but it seems appropriate.) I am devastated. I delivered a eulogy that was heartfelt, honest, and praised. Mostly everyone disappeared after the funeral, which I knew to expect. I, after 2 1/2 moths or so was able to emerge from my grief long enough to get my life back on track. Then my mom almost died this past week. She had emergency surgery, an exploratory laparotomy and hey removed almost her entire colon. This happened one day after the 4 month anniversary of my Dear Father's death. She is now out of the hospital with a long recovery and an illeostomy bag which is a particularly harsh fate. I am feeling depressed, again, and I think I am now experiencing residual grief from my dad's death. I will not see him again in this life. I was a lot closer to my Dad than I am to my Mom in most ways. My Mom and I dont really get along, and I am her caretaker living with her again at 33 years of age. I am trying not to be mad at this situation. I pray a lot, and therefore I survive. This experience in its tragic resonance is trying to paralyze me, I feel. I won't let it. I am auditioning to be a member of an Opera. I am classically trained. I am going to go forward and fulfill my dreams like my Dad would have wanted. Well, any words from someone who can relate are welcome and much appreciated. I am sure if you are frequenting this page then you have a similar loss. I am very sorry for your loss. God Bless.

Comments for My Father Died Infront of Me

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Apr 14, 2014
Your name !
by: Anonymous

I just posted the comment titled "your talent . . ." I see your name now, Brian Foreman,
and shall remember it, and I just feel that your father would want you to use this experience to sing out with soulful remembrance and love and gratitude for him every time you sing.

Apr 14, 2014
Your talent . . .
by: Anonymous

I just read your story and was moved to tears by the shock of such fate. I posted my own story here just a few weeks ago, and really I feel almost ashamed for even bothering because my story was so very merciful compared to what you are experiencing. I really have no words of comfort, but I can tell you this, as one classically-trained artist to another: because you are young, this experience with both your parents will contribute GREATLY to your talent, that is to say, you will no longer merely have technique in your singing, rather you will have the full-blooded emotion that only comes with great pain, great love – the depths of human experience. Many artists remain technicians throughout the early part of their careers because they have nothing from which to draw – life has been kind to them. I believe that truly great artists are distinguishable through their use of personal tragedy to create memorable spiritual experiences for their audiences. If nothing else, consider this the cruel blessing that your soul may need to fill the space of a theatre – the hearts of a standing-room-only audience – with incomparable emotion because that emotion is truly a gift from God. You will never sing in the same way again. From this time on, you will be always touched by inspiration in your performances. I wish I knew your name because I expect to see your name celebrated in years to come.

Apr 14, 2014
Dear Brian,
by: Anonymous

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so, so sorry to read about your father.I can honestly say that I know exactly how you feel. On January 14, 2013, my sweet father died from sudden cardiac arrest at the age of 81. Just like that - he was gone. He was not with my mother or me at the time, but golfing with friends, and by all accounts he died instantly. He was taken to the ER, and the dotors tried for several hours to revive him. The moment we walked into the ER, I knew he was gone. The visions of him in that bed still haunt me, and even though I knew he was gone, I still wonder if he felt anything, what his last moments were like, and if there was anything I could have done. I think back to all of the things the doctors told us, and wonder if I should have questioned them more. But, over the past year, I have come to terms with it, and have come to accept the loss. I was closer to my father than I am to my mother - we had a very special relationship, and the void in my life is huge. I woke up today and just started to cry. Some days are worse than others. I will keep you in my thoughts and my prayers. It is such a difficult time, but maybe you can take some comfort knowing that you are not alone. I wish you peace in the days ahead, and hope you can begin to heal. Barb

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