My father died

by TIM LANDERS
(CALIFORNIA)

I am a 53 year old married with three children and
also a composer of music as was my late father.
A very strange thing happned to me when my father got a stroke and coulnt talk for two years before passing away.
I have always composed music all my life ans after my father passed away I simply cant , I have lost interest
and its extremly painful, nothing seems to help,
I have taken all this up to God in prayer and pray someone out there has had a similar experince and can shed some light on this,

Tim

Comments for My father died

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Sep 03, 2013
13 years ago August 4,2000 I to lost my DaD
by: gail butler

IT was thirteen years ago on august 4,2013, that I lost the most incredible man of my life. Robert LESLIE butler,MY DAD. This was the most devastating time of my .
MY DAD AN I did so many things together from shopping for groceries to helping him with things around the house.

My DAD WAS ADMITTED TO the HOSPITAL ON JULY 20TH, FOR A GALLBLADDER TEST, BUT BEFORE THIS THE DRS DECIDED TO DO THE SCOPE UP AND DOWN.
WHEN WE WENT IN TO SEE MY DAD, HE DID NOT SEEM HIMSELF. he seemed distant. IT WAS ALMOST SUPPERTIME AND I THOUGHT THAT HE MIGHT LIKE SOMETHING BROUGHT IN INSTEAD OF A COLD PLATE WHICH WAS FOR SUPPER, HE SAID OKAY I WOULD LIKE A COUPLE OF PIECES OF CODFISH.

I was delighted at this and went to a restaurant picked up the fish and brought it back for my dad to enjoy..

To my dismay, my dad did not know me or any of us, after this. I WAS TRAMATOSED, MY DAD DID NOT KNOW ME, HOW COULD THIS BE..i cried, would he ever know me again.

shortly after this the drs said he had cancer in the duct boil of his liver, it was progressing very quickly and there was nothing they could do, only a matter of time. THIS COULD NOT BE TRUE, I hyperventilated and could not process this for my dad was always a healthy man . ate like everyone else and liked to walk. I could not picture my life without my dad, what was I going to do,..

days passed, he did not get any better, he got worst, after 16 days of not eating and only getting swabs from the nurses to wet his lips , he finally left us. We all cried, for none of us wanted him to go,at the early age of 69, for his dad was 89 and his mom 87. this was so unfair.

it has been a very difficult time for me, my ster and my mom to has lost a very wonderful man who we
still , and always will love till the end of time

your oldest daughter
gailxoxoxooxalways

Dec 19, 2012
Dogs and Fishing
by: Doreen U.K.

Shell you spent many a lovely time with your dad and enjoyed what he liked. This was you enjoying Dad time. At the death of your father it would have thrown up so many feelings that will make you feel as if you did this for his approval. This is part of your grief. The most important thing is. You spent time with your Dad. You enjoyed what he enjoyed. You made him Happy. You were being nurtured well everytime you spent time with your dad. Now you have grown up you may not want to pursue these hobbies. They were Dad's. You can now go on without Guilt and find yourself and what you want to do. This will take time.
I am 64yrs. and lost my husband 7 months ago and at my time of life I am forced into change. I should be happy that I have the freedom to do whatever I want with my time and my day. But after 7 months. I don't know what I want to do with my remaining time on this earth. I am not rushing to find out. I guess it will unravell. I don't like CHANGE. I don't want to change my life from what it was but this has been taken out of my hands by the death of my husband. This is a common problem for most people who suddenly find that after a death they are faced with this problem. What do I do with ME now. For a younger person this may become easier to process. But one is true. WE all feel the same way through Grief. I hope you go on life to be successfull and find your way through your loss to a new discovery in life that will bring you enjoyment and fulfillment.

Dec 18, 2012
Dogs & Fishing
by: Shell

I am sad for your loss. Although I have no special talent I have the feeling, since my dad died, that everything I did in my life, I did for him. I do not know what to do now. I see a pattern in what others have written, that the things we do in life are often for the pleasure or the approval of our fathers and when Dad is gone, we have no reason to do them. Mine were dogs and fishing. My dad and I used to love dogs, and we would raise them and train them and show them, together. Even after I was grown and had my own family, I still loved raising and training dogs. The other thing is that my dad had no sons, so he taught my sister and me to fish. I still liked fishing even when my dad and I were miles apart. (My sister used to love to watch football games with my dad and she says that since he is gone, she has no desire to watch football games.) Since my dad is gone, I have no desire to have a dog (even though I still like them) and I have no desire to go fishing. My dilemma is that I cannot tell where "me" starts and my "dad" ends. I am trying to figure out what is really me and what is just what I did to please my dad and get his attention and approval. I am such a part of him and he is such a part of me. I am searching for who I am, without him. I know I will find out, who I am without him, but for now, it is a strange thing. I got on the computer today to see if others have these same feelings about the loss of their dads and I am glad to see that other people feel the same. God bless you all and may God be our Father, now, until we see our earthly fathers again in Heaven.

Sep 10, 2012
my father died
by: silver

It's ironic what your title is. I don't know how long he has been gone but my father died on Dec 2009. It has been almost 3 years,but with his birthday coming up on Wed. I find myself crying his loss.I don't cry everyday now,(3 other deaths in the 17 mos after his including my husband and mother). I write poetry.My family had me make notebooks one Christmas and now I'm glad I did as he got to read them before he died. I have lost my ability to write other poems but I can still write the ones dealing with my grief,esp since my husband went on. I feel some empathy for you and pray that you will get your gift back.Like someone else said, maybe grief is blocking you.Maybe you can use that to your advantage as another said and start with that type of song to show grief and how we start the healing process. I wish you the best and may GOD watch over you and help you.

Sep 10, 2012
My father died
by: Doreen U.K.

Tim I am sorry for your loss of your father and also for your huge loss of your talent to compose music. See it as an INTERLUDE. Go and see a counsellor and pershaps there is a BLOCK somewhere that is preventing the flow of energy you once had. Rather like a Grief Shock that is in the way. It is worth trying anything you can. Don't give up or get frustrated. Often God gives us breaks in life and takes us off into new directions for a season. Maybe even frustration is blocking your flow. Wait on God also because He will sustain you. Best wishes

Sep 09, 2012
I understand
by: Jillian

Dear Tim

I offer my heartfelt condolenses on the loss of your father. Although in the world's eyes it might be yesterdays news for those of us who are grieving time has no meaning.

Yes I understand. Before losing my mum Sadie on May 22 2012 my passion was writing and poetry. Since then my inspiration seems to have left me and all I come up with is blank pages. It saddens me as mum use to derive such joy from my creative work and as she had a beautiful voice would often sing to my words.

Maybe grief like similar vicious pain inhibits our creative ability. I do hope in time we will continue to develop our creative arts. To me this would be a fitting tribute to my brave mum who would sing even when in excruciating pain to lift the spirits of my disabled brother and also bring pleasure to many.

Kindest regards, Jillian. jillianrcohen@hotmail.com

Sep 09, 2012
New Direction
by: Anonymous

Yes . . . so I have prayed that God will give me new direction and purpose in life. In your case, perhaps you can focus on how profound music can be to an aching soul like mine. Maybe God will give you the melodies to comfort all of us who are struggling with the death of a loved one. I think only those who have truly gone through it can really touch the hearts of others going through it. Music has helped me cry over and over again until I can't cry anymore. It has also given me hope, taken away the utter despair I so often feel.

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