My Fiance

by Wilson
(Holland Michigan)

Hello,
I'm Wilson. I'm 28 years old. Going on 3 years ago I met and fell in love with a beautiful woman. I'm not the kind of guy who easily dates lots of women. I've had less than a handful of relationships, meaningful ones that is but this one was the most intense and most meaningful. I've seen my parents get divorced repeatedly so having a stable relationship is important to me but as I said doesn't come often. I was out with my friends one night in a near by city. My friends are all couples so I felt like the fifth wheel. I disappeared and went to another level of the club we were in. There I saw a group of people playing pool. There was a lone girl sitting at a table. She looked like she wasn't having the best of times. I worked up enough courage to ask the server to go to the table and tell that particular girl that I would buy her a drink if she agreed to come and talk to me. She would later tell me that she didn't believe the server but came over to me anyway. It was an instant connection. We talked until the club closed. We were virtually inseparable spending almost everyday together. She was a college student, I worked for a cellular company. I was always very supportive of her studies and she was just supportive of me. Often times I don't feel accepted or desired but she made sure that I felt that way. Over a time though I noticed that her parents, her mom in particular, frowned upon their daughter dating. Her mom thought I wasn't good for her, didn't make enough money and for some reason wasn't motivated based on the town I lived in. My girlfriend did a good job of defending me however. I was completely and utterly in love with her so I decided to buy a ring and propose. I proposed to her on February 7th 2010 only 4 months after we met and she said yes. To this day it was the happiest moment of my life. Finally someone who wants to marry me, have a life and family with me. It was the most amazing feeling. However, we kept this a secret from her family because she knew that if her mom and dad knew about this that they would potentially cut her off from schooling. Her parents were very rich people and had a major influence over their 24 year old daughter. Over time it started to get more and more difficult to fend off the harsh judgments from her mom. I tried to meet them but they refused. Towards the summer, my fiance surprised me with wanting to quit school and move closer to her mom back in Wisconsin. She wanted to move specifically to Minneapolis MN. I tried to convince her to stay but failed in the end so I decided to go with her. I drove out to Minnesota and spent five days looking for a job. I found a job at Verizon wireless. We spent time together there but I noticed that she seemed slightly distant. I needed to go back to Michigan to plan on moving to Minnesota. On the 5th day after I checked out of the hotel my fiance gave me the ring back. I cried uncontrollably and fought to change her mind but she could no longer take the harsh judgments of her mom. She wanted her family to be happy for her not question or disagree with her decisions. I watched her drive away never looking back. My first thought was how I was supposed to drive 9.5 hours back to Michigan with this feeling of loss, grief and devastation. My mom was very supportive calling me every 2 hours to make sure I was ok. Its been two years and going on three since I met her and I still have nightmares and I still have troubles getting through it all. I used to dream that we were apart. I would wake up in a panic and grab a hold of her to make sure she was there. Now I dream we are together, wake up in silence and realize shes gone. I've been in and out of therapy and plan on making more appointments. I'm so sad without her and I haven't met anyone that fits what I'm looking for. I sometimes think that it wont happen again. Even as I write this conclusion I am getting teary eyed. Its hard to be around my friends because they are engaged and I feel like the 5th wheel. My self esteem has suffered, I'm depressed and worst of all I miss my fiance.

I hope one day something good happens and I meet someone who considers me worth it to stand up and say I love you to the world including her family but these days I'm not really sure if thats out there.

Thanks for reading.
Wilson

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