My first anniversary by myself

by Donna

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Today was our 24th wedding anniversary. We have actually been together for 26 years but married 24 of them. Today was so hard. I couldn't manage to do anything without breaking down. Bryan started a tradition 23 years ago, on our anniversary he always took me to eat at our favorite Italian restaurant. Today I took my two girls instead, I think he would like that. I took my girls home and then went to my mil's. I only meant to stay a short while as I wanted to go see Bryan as my final stop.

My mil and I were talking about how close Bryan and I were, she said that I was the best thing that ever happened to Bryan. We both agreed that we were great for each other, that we are soul mates. Before I knew it I looked outside and it was dark. I just broke down in tears. I had to go see him, today not tomorrow. Today is our anniversary not tomorrow. My mil tried to talk me out of it, but I had to go.

I went to the graveyard but didn't get out of the truck as it was really dark by then. I sat and talked to him about 10 minutes or so and then told him goodnight that I had to go, but I would be back to see him. About that time one of my daughters called to check on me as it was getting late. I made it home just fine, but the night's not over yet.

Throughout our marriage, Bryan and I never told each other goodbye it was always see ya later or goodnight. That way we would always have to stay around to see each other later. But now he is gone for too long until we meet again. I feel like I just want to go be with him asap. I know that he wants me to stay here for now until it is my time. But is so hard; somebody please help me. It's too painful. I love him so much!! I miss him so much!!

Comments for My first anniversary by myself

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Oct 06, 2010
for Donna
by: Mari

Your post touches my heart. I will pray for you. It takes time to get through all the loss. You must have had a wonderful husband. Just keep going and remember that God is there for you.
I am going through the same thing and understand.
The weather has changed here and now the memories of my husband are very strong, how I used to encourage him to dress warmly. I had bought him a nice jacket to make sure he was warm enough when he went to work and kissed him goodbye.
I am not sure how I will get through November. My husband passed away Nov 22nt 2 days after my birthday. He had plans for my birthday which is Nov 20th and was too sick to go anywhere. My daughter had a party for me with the grandchildren and a cake with bumble bees all over it, so cute. I went home shortly after as I was worried about leaving my husband too long.
All I know is that I am going to sure need to talk to my pastor, Pastor Horacio on my birthday.Yesterday I happened to run into one of the policemen who were at the house when my husband passed away and told him I owed him a hug.I cannot say enough about our wonderful police department. My children were here for me and my 84 yr old mother flew down from Washington State.I have made it thus far with God's help and my church brothers and sisters but seem to be missing my husband more and more as Nov approaches.I have requested that my 5 children be here on my 66th birthday. I do not want gifts as my children are my gifts. My husband was a gift to me also and God chose to take him because he suffered with his heart.I know from whence my blessings come.My husband will be looking down from heaven at the new great grandaughter due Dec 26th.So how do I get through November and the rest of my life?

Oct 05, 2010
So sorry
by: Marla

I stumbled across your page just now looking for help with my own grief. I will say a prayer for you and your two girls. Please do not give into the pain. Your girls need you!! Think of them and what you mean to them and help them help you go through the grieving. You all have lost someone you love. Be there for each other. Trust God to see you through.

I do not know how your husband died or when but know your pain is real. I just started a grief therapy group. Maybe you could find one in your area to help you. It is called grief share, your journey from mourning to joy.

I have lost my identical twin brothers to suicide. Tom august 25th 2005 and Jim august 5th this year. Two months ago today. My heart and soul and life are upside down and I will need help. I pray that you will find healing. Healing that can only come from a loving God. My prayers are with you as we grieve our losses.
St Louis, MO

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