my first birthday without my dear dad my rock

by mark t parsons

the 30th of april is approaching , shall i accept its my birthday ,or just right this day off.
thats how i feel dont feel excited dont want any fuss ,how can this birthday mean any thing ,feel numb removed from feelings ,that is how ive manage to cope .

my niece rung me today , asked what would i like for my birthday , i said nothing nearly said i would like to see my dad , but didnt as i know she is suffering too ,how the hell ive kept things together since last july i cant begin to tell you as i dont know how ive done it myself ,how long can i battle on without showing feelings or emotion i dont know ,ive kept these to myself not to upset my mum or sisters.

then out of the blue on this dull rainy day ive seen the light god has shown me where to go where in peace and privacy where i can go
my dads mum and dads grave , dad did not want to be buried.
iff i take flowers to this quiet serene place may be i will feel his presence , he often popped there with out us knowing
to see his mum and dad , my be i will find what im looking for
i dont know but i will try

some people say you must move on but i feel in my heart and soul theres a place you go to when you are released from life ,had dreams lately ,heard people calling me people who i know have passed on , perhaps im going mad ,dont know ,dont care any more may be some day i will find an answer

were all in the same boat ,
dont worry
all my love
marky pars

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