My First Born is Gone

by Keisha Burton
(Brooklyn, New York)


My First Son Donyell Travis Burton was taken away from me in the physical form on March 11th 2012 exactly 58 days ago. I miss my baby so much it's killing me to get through each day my son was 23yrs old and was shot and killed while just walking down the street, there was no argument, there was no previous fight he had no idea it was coming his back was turned and his headphones on, he was shot in the back twice. i sit at work and cry frequently some days i dont want to get out of bed.... but i know i have another son that needs me, my other son is having a really tough time as well he is only 19 and didnt want to go back to college but i've convinced him that i will be ok i need him to go back to school and focus in september this is so difficult never thought i would be burying one of my boys..... just needed to vent to someone other than family or friends some people tend to think that its easy to go back to your daily routine and function or there is a certain time frame that you should be ok... i dont think i'll ever be the same i pray for strength everyday.... God help me and my son cope.....

Comments for My First Born is Gone

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Dec 24, 2013
my baby bro
by: komrade

Before Pretty left Elmira we talked about life in general. He was beginning to grasp the importance of decision making and the value of freedom. This young man had a beautiful spirit and to see it snuffed away really crushes me. I'm lost for words right now. Today , i looked at my pictures and ran across pretty. I stared at that picture for so long. I still cannot believe he's gone. Well Pretty , I really do love and miss you so much. You know who this is.

Jun 28, 2013
My First Born is Gone
by: Keisha Burton

It's been 1 year 3months and 17days.....They say time heals all wounds.....Dont know how true that metaphor is.... i know my pain my wounded heart is still very much raw i miss my baby soooo much i dont know what to do with myself....my baby son is now incarcerated SMH he has to do 90days although i should be grateful that its only 90days i'm sick to my stomach literally i cant keep food down i havent been without him since we lost Travis in the physical..... i stress in the physical because i know my baby is around me i can feel him so strongly at times... i pray for my baby son Lance that this experience will strengthen his mind and heart if only a little bit..... God please give me strength and watch over my babies the one in heaven and here that is forever my prayer.....Amen

May 05, 2013
Sorry For Your Loss
by: Sina

Hi Keisha as I sit here, and read your pain I feel my eyes blurry with tears rolling down I give you my most deepest sympathy I'm so sorry you had to lose your son this way, and me out of nowhere came upon this site my hearts go out to you, and everyone whose coping with your loss just reading how good of a person he was is so touching.....just want to you know I got you in my prayers may God bless you such a sweet loving mom you are & both of your babies knows it & everything going be fine...God bless :-)

Apr 27, 2013
My First Born is Gone
by: Keisha Burton

It has been 1year and 16 days since my first born had been gone in the physical and it feels like yesterday it hurts so bad I miss my baby so much sometimes it feels like I can't breathe... No parent should have to go thru this pain, I pray for strength God please help me get thru this Mommy loves you so much Travis ❤😢😞

Jan 06, 2013
Praying for you.
by: Anonymous

I had the pleasure of meeting your son a few years ago Keisha. We met through his uncle who I grew up with. Pretty was a smart kid and so talented. I just found out through a letter because I was sick for a while. Pretty would call my daughter to check on me. My condolences to you. I have some pictures that I made for him a few years ago. Please if you want them I will get them to you. You are in my prayers Keicha
.

Nov 21, 2012
My Thanksgivings will never be the same again
by: Keisha Burton

This Thanksgiving will be a bitter pill to swallow, hurting real bad without you Travis. God please give me strength! 😥

Nov 14, 2012
Thank you
by: Keisha Burton

Thank you Moe ❤❤❤

Nov 12, 2012
My First Born is Gone
by: Keisha Burton

8 Months yesterday since you've been gone. It's still so hard to believe you are not here in the physical, I still feel your presence all around me. I miss you so much it hurts so bad sometimes I can't stop crying.... I know that you wouldn't want me crying all the time .... I just can't help it. I'm getting better though I think of you and smile just as much as I cry. Mommy loves you so much my man man ❤❤😥

Oct 18, 2012
My First Born is Gone
by: Keisha Burton

Today i feel a sense of calm, i dont know why i cried myself to sleep last night but i awoke a lil different dont know if its my son's spirit on me or what.... could be my dad trying to send me some comfort. I will say this i've felt that my baby is finally resting in peace now that they have caught the young demon that took my baby's life 2wks ago. I think of my son with joy and sadness kinda weird to feel that way at the same time, it doesnt change how much i miss him, fussing with him to clean up and wash dishes or turn the music down or knock before entering my room lol what i wouldnt give to have him enter my room to tell me about his latest song he did in the studio or the female trouble he needs advice on :) Mommy misses you so much Man Man

Oct 10, 2012
My First Born is Gone
by: Keisha Burton

Thank you Nisha love you too Cuz! I still can't believe he's gone it will be 7months tomorrow and also Lance's Birthday :( my heart aches for my baby boy he's turning 20 and he feels sad....
Mommy Loves you Travis Sooooo much this is sooo hard God please give us strength, i hurt so bad i dont know what to do, i want to be strong for my other son sometimes i just cant, only another mother would understand what i'm feeling, i try so hard to be happy sometimes and say he's in God's loving arms, i cant help but feel selfish sometimes because i want him in my loving arms what i wouldnt give to hold my son again and tell him how much i love him!!

Thank you everyone for all of your kind words once again....

Oct 05, 2012
Love u
by: Nisha

I like that u have an outlet for ur thoughts. Of course no ones pain is like urs. Love u cuz.

Sep 27, 2012
My Prayers go out to all of you
by: Moma

Your in my Prayers. I'm in shock, reading what you wrote I feel your grief than realize that its only a fraction of how you feel. No matter what, you were proud of how straight forward Travis was. I know every virtue he had his lil brother will continue to live on within him. My prayers and love will continue to be sent out to you and your family. May GOD continue to strengthen you. Love You, Moe

Sep 11, 2012
My First Born is Gone
by: Keisha Burton

GOD THIS HURTS SOOOO BAD, I CANT STOP CRYING I miss my baby so much lawd please help me!!!
6 months i still cant believe he is gone, my handsome baby, my talented baby..... Mommy loves you Travis forever and a day!!!

Aug 28, 2012
Hello Anonymous
by: Keisha Burton

I havent been on here in awhile but i just came across your kind words and it touched me so very much, i'm glad that you've had the pleasure of meeting my baby :) he was a people person that's for sure just like his mama :) it's the strangest thing almost every where i go i seem to run into somebody that knew him whether it be on the street or browsing the internet (to keep my mind busy), he seems to be reaching out to me in so many different directions and it makes me feel really good.... i get emotional of course but it's a bitter sweet emotion because it makes me proud that my baby touched so many peoples lives and left a lasting unforgettable impression. Yes he was a bad a$$ lol but he had the biggest heart for a little dude, he was by know means perfect, he had his stint with the law but he was growing and finally doing things the right way, When he came home his main focus was his music and his little brother my baby boy, he felt like he failed Lance, Lance kept telling him he didnt fail him, he learned everything he knew from him good, bad or indifferent he loves his big brother unconditionally. Travis was determined to right his wrong no matter what Lance or I said, no matter how we tried to convince him that it was not necessary.... he felt he was the man of the house :) raising two handsome popular boys is tough but i did the best i could my sons are my world and always will be!! Thank you again for sharing your experience it made me smile and cry at the same time :)

Jul 14, 2012
You're in my Mind, Heart, and Prayers
by: Anonymous

I am DEEPLY sorry for yur loss. Thank you for birthing one of the realest, most talented, beautiful people (both in and out)that I knw. Everyone loved him and if they didn't it was because they had their own issues. 8 years ago I was blessed to meet and befriend Travis. I will NEVER knw how you feel, but I too find this time to be very hard. I didnt speak or see him every day but he was and still is a very important aspect in my life. I come across pictures, poems, and letters and I get so sad. I'm more sad because he was so passionate in his music and he won't get to live it out in his fullest. Some days I sit at work and begin to tear up cause the world will never be as fortunate as us to have knw and loved him. Its been 3 months. Three-freakin-months !!! I cant believe it. This is the most unreal feeling I've ever felt. It's been so many times where i wanted to reach out to you but I didnt knw how. I also value and respect the grieving time, especially for a mother. It would have also brought reality to the situation. He and my mother share the same birthay and tht day was always happy for me. This year, I didn't knw whether to be happy or sad. I've always been more of a writer than a speaker so when I googled his name I saw this site and read all of what I knew yu were feeling and going thru. So I decided to reach out this wa (sorry so late). This was how he and I communicated a lot of our friendship.my words come out better this way. I'm basically here to say tht yu are AMAZING!!!! I looked at yu while the service was going on and yu passed me that superwoman strenth tht kept me together. Yu did a great job with Travis and he loved his "mommy". I will continue to keep yu and yur family in my heart and in my prayers.

Jun 22, 2012
My First Born is Gone
by: Keisha

My Baby's Birthday was 2 days ago he would've been 24 yrs old..... i have a tremendous amount of support from family and close friends which i sincerely appreciate....however my pain is still severe and that feeling of not being able to stomach that he is gone is still fresh in my heart and mind. i cry on the way to work i cry coming home from work, i cry myself to sleep some nights i just cant believe my baby is gone.... my handsome talented baby is really not here in the physical anymore hurts sooooo bad my heart goes out to any parent going thru what i am going thru right now. I know that there are a lot of selfish people in the world i dont live in a glass bubble but i didnt think at my lowest point in life i would have to be subjected to some folks (close folks mind you) selfish and inconsiderate behavior. people are a trip, i pray for those that dont have the sense enough to just let me be,and that feel the need to express what they couldnt when he was here in the physical, those that want to unload their own guilty crap for not being there for my baby because of ego issues or just plain ignorance! i have my own demons to deal with and those of others ( YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) I will not be subjected to... it's sad i have to even write those words. if you have nothing positive to say to your loved ones that are going thru a tough time whether you agree or not be mature enough to nod your head and just be an ear.. if you cant do that then walk away, excuse yourself... My baby was a firm believer in speaking his mind and he did whether you liked what he said or not :) he was not letting it stay on his chest had to get it off. Anyone who knew him knows how true this statement is! He always told me MA say how you feel stop worrying about everybodies feelings bcuz they dont care about yours and to some degree he was absolutely right! i'm a very compassionate person i love people. i miss my talks with my smart wise beyond his years baby! Mommy Loves you Travis Always and Forever!! Keep him in your loving hands Lord!

May 14, 2012
Our Beautiful Daughter
by: Anonymous

I have grief so unbearable at times, I find it difficult to breath. First and forthmost, I want to express my deepest and sincerest sympathy for each and everyone of you who are suffering such horrific loss of your loved ones. I just so happened to come across this site while I was seeking relief from the grief I feel on a daily basis due to a inconsiderate,well known in our community drug dealing, non licensed, non insured, non registered driver to by choice decided to drive on the road while under the influence doing 72 mph in a 30 mph zone and t-boned our daughters car on the drivers side two years ago Easter Sunday. My grief is quite different from the rest of you. My daughter laid in a coma and had brain surgery. The loss I feel is a different kind of loss because the difference is our daughter survived the accident with severe traumatic brain injuries. The person that is left behind is not the daughter that I knew. This is someone I do not know she does not remember anything of her life, she does not really connect with us in the sense of knowing who we are as family. We had to re-teach her who we are by photos and names over and over again. She does call me Mom now instead of Albert but the connection is not there in her eyes. I grieve the loss of the daughter that I breast fed and raised to be a beautiful warm caring responsible adult. But I will come to know this new person and shall love her as deeply as I love the old one if she will allow me to do so. And just for the record he too got away with it because the state in which we live in has a old old law on the books that made it possible for him to get away with it. What is this world coming to? God bless all of you and even thou I do not know not a single one of you I will keep all of you in my prayers for comfort from our loving creator.

May 13, 2012
So sorry for your loss
by: C athy

I am so sorry for the pain that you are going through, i too lost my first born on 18th October 2011 and ever since then life is a mess which i can not sort out. It is very difficult to accept that he is no longer coming back, my baby was 21 he had a massive heart attack, one so young. The journey of grief is difficult and you have to do whatever you feel like cry, talk about them to your close friends, come to site and share your feelings, all of us here have been through what you are going now, and we understand and feel for you. I will pray for you god bless u.

May 12, 2012
I feel your loss and pain. I am so very sorry.
by: Karen

This is the day before Mother's day and my worst day ever to be alone. My son has been gone for just over 5 months. He drove down to Rosarito beach in Mexico and hung himself. Any death of a child is unbearable. When it is a violent death, car accident, murder or taking his own life, there are no words to describe the anguish, pain and despair us as Mother's are going thru.
I will pray for you as I continue to pray for myself and my son, Timmy.
Bonded by pain

May 11, 2012
My First Born is Gone
by: Keisha Burton

Thank you to everyone for all of your kind words of encouragement.... today is especially hard it makes two months today my baby was taken away from me it still hurts from the moment the dr.'s told me he was gone 8:57pm in Kings County hospital my whole world fell apart at that moment.... god please help me this is the hardest missing my baby soooo much......

May 11, 2012
To Carla
by: Keisha

Thank you

May 11, 2012
So sorry about your loss
by: Anonymous

My precious 29yo daughter was murdered July 23, 2010. She was very brutally murdered and we still don't have anyone arrested for it. I have been a completely different person and I have no idea who I am without her. That's one of the hardest things is learning who you are without your child.

I hope God will comfort you and your other son.

Carla

May 10, 2012
The Pain
by: Rose

There is no denying the change-one day you can reach out and touch them and then the next-you can't. It is hard to believe and even harder to accept. I lost my daughter last year. It seems even harder this year. I think it is because the fog has been lifted-this is reality. I have other daughters to think of and grandchildren, too. Some days the pain is unbearable. The power of prayer and faith are the only constant strengths I have in my journey. God is my forever grief partner. He understands my lowest of days and He holds me up when I can't.

Blessings-Rose

May 10, 2012
The Pain
by: Rose

There is no denying the change-one day you can reach out and touch them and then the next-you can't. It is hard to believe and even harder to accept. I lost my daughter last year. It seems even harder this year. I think it is because the fog has been lifted-this is reality. I have other daughters to think of and grandchildren, too. Some days the pain is unbearable. The power of prayer and faith are the only constant strengths I have in my journey. God is my forever grief partner. He understands my lowest of days and He holds me up when I can't.

Blessings-Rose

May 10, 2012
I feel your pain!
by: rayolife

I lost my son, David, 28, four years ago in a head-on collision. Commerical truck driver, repeat DUI offender, no license,talking on cell phone, failure to yield right of way......I felt like he had been murdered. The driver only served 8 days in a local jail!!!!!!David was a wonderful person, an hmble servant, kind to everyone, no matter their circumstances!. He had just returned from serving 15 months in Afghanistan and was going to meet his fiancee for lunch. Then they were to leave that afternoon for a week's vacation that he had planned and paid for while fighting for our freedom. He said it was his reward to himself and his friends! NEVER HAPPENED! The dagger lacerates my heart every day! Read positive books, journal, and keep talking to be people who have experienced the loss of a child because after a short while, no one else wantes to hear it! Blessings to you!

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