My first love lost his battle
On January 8, 2013 my husband lost his battle with addiction. He was pronounced dead at 4:22am from a heroin overdose. We married in 2003 at the young age of 18. Once he turned 21 he began drinking, smoking marijuana and eventually experimenting with hard drugs. I never felt the need to participate in the drug use. I would work to support us...and his addiction. For years I was an enabler bailing him out of jail, giving him money and taking care of him when he was withdrawing. As the years passed we were not happy. My husband tried rehab three times but would never complete the programs. In 2010 we were blessed with a healthy beautiful daughter. To try to beat the addiction He also tried a methadone treatment. The methadone made things worse he started abusing xanax. I then refused to give him money for the drugs and he would find his own way, making money off other addicts. In June of 2012 I decided that I needed to make a change for my daughter. I did not want her exposed to drugs and that life style. I left him and took our daughter with me. I would allow him to see her but only under my and his mothers supervision. I thought he was doing better, he wanted his family back. The Sunday before he died he told his mother he wanted to try rehab again. She agreed to help him. When she got home from work Monday he was gone and never returned. He passed away at a so-called friends house, I have no idea who that person was. I feel that he wanted to use one last time and this last time took him out. I feel guilty if I wouldn't of left him I could have been there to save him. I still loved him he was my first, my husband and the father of my child. Its only been a week and I miss him intensely. Thoughts on if he suffered and if he was scared haunt me. Is he resting or lost. The image of him in the coffin don't leave my mind. I want him to come back, I feel lost.