My First Love

by Debra

My First Love

I remember falling in love at a very early age
At the tender age of eight
Third grade
He had just returned from some faraway place
Dangerous, remote, foreign
Didn't know much about places like that
Or war
Didn't know enough to recognize the possibility of his not returning
Didn't know enough to fear his dying
I just knew he was back in our house
He was tall and lean and handsome
He laughed easily and smelled of Old Spice aftershave
His hair was dark, his eyes were bright, and he had muscles
When he smiled, he smiled clear up to those brown eyes
He was so confident in his masculinity
Yet never boastful or arrogant
He was my hero, my white knight, my first love
I wanted to marry him.

But little girls grow up
Soon, they realize that imperfections are embedded in even the very best of people
Including that knight
That first love suddenly becomes your mortal enemy
Trying to bend and shape you into some horrific idea of a responsible young adult
So the struggles continue
Until you are finally released
Released to make your own foolish mistakes
Released to suffer the consequences of your own poor choices
So you move forward with awkward steps
All the while, taking backward glances
Just to make sure that dark knight still has you in his line of vision
Watching out for you
And life carries on
And you and your knight get swept away in the depths of it
You, becoming a wife, a mother
He, becoming a father-in-law, a grandpa
Both of you developing a mutual respect for each other
He breathes a sigh of relief that he can put away his sword
And send the stallion out to pasture

Then one day,
On a chilly autumn morning,
When you least expect it,
You catch a faint twinkle in his eyes
A slight grin, a thoughtful glance
And you realize he knows
All that you need him to know
With a wiggling of two fingers to draw you near his bedside
Puckering those soft, dry lips
Asking with those emotion-filled brown eyes
For that last good-bye kiss
You know he knows
That he was your first love
And there is something special about that first love
It never fades, it never diminishes, it never dies
He remains my first love, my white knight, my hero
My dad

"With all my love forever and always"


Comments for My First Love

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Jun 06, 2013
My first love
by: Anonymous

Dear Debra
I am sorry for your loss at the same time happy to know that your memories are filled with beautiful times and experiences. Your writing is so filled with love and enchantment that I felt the smell of old spice and could almost feel the presence of a beautiful being like your father. Hold on to those memories and when sadness and grief hit you hold on to them and always be grateful for having such a wonderful dad.

Jun 05, 2013
My First Love
by: Debi

Debra -

This made me cry. You are a very good writer - so heartfelt.

Old Spice - my papa wore this too....



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