My friend died before I could get to her

by JenniUK
(London )

My dearest and oldest friend died in the early hours of March 24th. I had been told she was gravely ill and was on my way to Spain, where she had lived for many years, when the news came in. I am still struggling to come to terms with the reality that she has gone although each day brings a little more acceptance.
She was my hero and an enormous inspiration to all of us who knew her. It was my privilege to have known her for thirty eight years but that means it's going to be even harder to live on without her. We wrote hundreds of letters and emails to each other, and we shared each and every family event and all our joys and sorrows. Whenever I needed to talk about a problem, I chose her above all others. Whenever I wanted to share a joke or a happy story, again, she was number one. It was the same for her.
Back in 1974 when we met as students, we neither of us knew that in 2012, we'd still be friends. Amazing.
I have shed a lot of tears since I first got the news that she wasn't going to make it, but at the same time, I've been extremely quiet. I've been unable to speak more than a few words to anyone without my voice breaking and the tears falling.

With the loss of a spouse or a child, there is recognition of one's grief, but I have noticed that people are less inclined to mark this death in the same way. When my mother died, I received sympathy cards and flowers..... for this cherished and most loved friend, there has been little more than sympathetic words. Yet for me, she was more dear to me than a s sister. I miss her terribly and there is an ache in my heart as I write this. The world does not seem the same place now that she has gone. She was and is, irreplaceable. Goodnight my dear sweet friend. I shall always miss you.

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