My friend from Teenagers

by Vincent
(Stevenage, UK)

Hey all

This is long

I had a friend who I met at 15 years old while I was on my travels by cycling in order to ring bells at different churches. I do ring bells but not often as I did as a teenager. I met this woman in the park while I was resting from a long distant cycle ride (13 Miles). I asked this woman for directions to the church so she told me the way to the town but 1 thing she did was invite me in for a cup of tea so I accepted because I had time which lead to calling a bell ringer from her house to arrange a lift. He took me to the church and I did my ringing and stayed for a service and a church warden took me back to this woman's address. I spent a whole day there chatting, having BBQ and also I helped her with the Grass Cutting. We also tried Cigars as we were both smokers.

She is a lovely woman who was very caring towards people. I still rememeber her son.

I left her home to return to the church to ring for the evening services she gave me a very big hug and left her name and address with me. I can still remember her address. After that I think she was forgotten about for nearly 20 years due to many distractions and problems I had as I grew up.

Dec 2012 I became quite ill with a stress related illness which lead to series of self reflections. This sort of stuff often can draw me to areas to reflect upon to understand something.

This week I believe early friday morning, I woke up to see the clock and went back to sleep. I dreamed of this day I spent with this woman. This dream I believe was very powerful enough to wake me saying her name.

I dreamed back at the time we was sitting in the Garden and then I seem to acknowleged the area. I was very drawn to this area and drawn to her. I managed to reflect on that time at work which lead to questioning of the dreams. I finally visited this area I was also feeling something too. I finally ended up in her road and located her home I didnt knock because I wasnt sure who was there. I went to look at the park I was resting at and saw a woman standing at the bus stop other than criticising the travellers occupying the park. She suggested I should knock on friend's door. I went back and saw a lady getting to her car and asked her about this friend. She told me that she died a year and half ago from a brain tumour. I have actually explained to her what was explained above. I tend not to show my emotions around people. I was quite affected by the news I believe I was more shocked than anything by it which lead to a lot of sadness. Bearing in mind I am also a Brain Tumour Survivor as I had a benign tumour removed in 2006.

I don't know where her grave is if I did I probley most likely be putting flowers on it.

I actually Conducted a long distant 13 mile walk back to my home town which made me think about importance of friends. I felt I should write her son a letter. I believe the walk actually helped because I made something out of cross country walks.

Comments for My friend from Teenagers

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Apr 26, 2014
Something learned
by: Vincent

This is a reply from last year, I know understand how this woman affected me which caused a different kind of grief As I had problems during the time of this woman with various things and bad parenting as I have learned me and few others are survivors after having a brother recently contacting me letting me know about abuse in the family.

This woman is very kind to anyone, I met her during a hard time I was going through as I don't usually meet people like that nor I expect anything from people. This woman affected me in such a way which is different to my home. She is like an angel to me and must had a purpose of being there at that time. This woman became forgotten until I started to get strange urges to get off at her location in 2012 but I wasnt sure of it and ignored it. In 2013 is when I dreamed of her and I was drawn to her as part of reflection.

Aug 28, 2013
Nostalgia
by: Vincent

Regarding my friend Marita who I learned about her death as result of being drawn to her and the area.

I learned that the Church in Luton has a district ringer's meeting at Luton's Church which I am willing to attend so this ringing may be very nostalgic as I last ring the full peal of 12 bells at this church was on the very same day I met Marita.

I have actually self reflected in the church that is when the bellringers only had 5 people so I made the 6th person and rang which also brought on slight nostalgia.

I also learned that her son rents the house out to people so he may or may not seen the letter. If he has I hoped it helped.

Jul 13, 2013
I posted a letter to her son
by: Vincent

Thanks for reply. I have wondered about this strange co-incidences I had regarding the area too sense of strong urge to look up a road couple of years ago. I didn't think much about it.
I went back and hand posted the letter to her son. I hope it gets to him as he rents his home out to other people too probley lodgers. The Gypsies moved away and I managed to get through that park and yes I have been there before.


I managed to walk the route back to her town almost exact how I rode at the bike at that age and relised many things I did on that day.

I can walk very long distance

Another one is to ring the bells at Luton's Church. They have 12 bells now they only ring 6 last year I rang there that didn't really bring back memories either if they rang all 12 it may. Since her death news I really reflected on the day as a whole, including the church.

1 thing it has made me think that is regarding distractions. I Recall at this time I didn't have the computer or the internet and used to cycle a lot of far places to ring bells. In other words I went out more like bell ringing lot. I don't ring bells that much due to ringers vertigo but I will do it from time 2 time.

I had a hard time growing up anyway which may of lead to things like this. Most of these distractions in life I realised does cause people to kind of forget them or repress them.



Jul 09, 2013
My friend from Teenagers
by: Doreen U.K.

Vincent thank you for your interesting post with grief from a different perspective.
Some people touch our lives in special ways even for just a moment and leave us with memories that may haunt us later when going through any difficulties. I see these as a type of angel who is sent at a time when we didn't question why? You went with the flow and touched this woman with friendship
in a way which may have left an impression on her life at a time when she needed it. Now when you needed it you went back to discover she had died. I do believe you both in a small way met a need in each other. She touched your life with kindness as you did hers at a time she may have lost her husband either to death or he left. You may get the answers from her son. Please write back and let us know more. Yours was a grief story with a difference. A diversion as reading a novel and now intrigued to find a happy ending with the son. I am sorry for your loss and it may also be your gain. Best wishes.

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