my girl Angel 1/16/1997 - 7/12/2013
Angel (“poodle”) 1/16/1997 – 7/12/2013
I cannot believe it ended this way. I lost my girl, Angel, on July 12th. I had no idea that that day would be the last time I would see her alive. I have never known such grief. It’s so hard to focus. She was my kid and best friend.
Angel was a tiny toy poodle that was 4.6 pounds of fearlessness. She was brave and way too smart for her own good. There are so many favorite stories of her that I could write for days! We were always together she and I. We had only been separated about 50 days her whole life – and then she was left with family or my husband. She was half of my heart.
Despite her age, she never stopped acting like herself. She still played with us and loved rolling in blankets straight from the dryer. Other than her eyesight and hearing, she didn’t act like she felt bad or was in any pain.
I had visited my sister that week and had paid a substantial fee to change my flight to return a day earlier. I’m grateful I did that, and regretful I went at all. We decided to take her to the doctor the day I got back because she was being very picky about eating. She had two bloody stools (never had that happened) that morning and when I was cleaning her up she kept falling down in the tub. However – she played and rolled happily when I was blowing drying her. I held her that morning and pretty much kept her in my arms until it was time to take her to the vet. I had adjusted the collar on her shirt and brought along her blanket – which was weird thinking back because I never bring it along, she never stays at the vet. The way there I told her we were going to get her better. The doctor looked at her rattled off half a dozen things that could be causing the lack of appetite and the bloody stools and asked to begin fluids on her. Angel crawled back into my arms and I hugged her and promised her I’d be back to get her. I told her I loved her and told the vet to take care of my girl. About an hour later the vet called to tell me Angel’s heart had stopped and at that point I just screamed and dropped the phone. I just yelled over and over that this is my worst nightmare. I had prayed nightly that God would let me be with Angel when she left. I cannot fathom that this is how our time would end. She died at the vet’s office, her least favorite place in the world and she was away from her mom – the one person that should have been there when she died. I can’t forgive myself for leaving her there. I replay the look on her face and I just... I know I should focus on all the years of happiness we had, but it’s hard to let go. It’s been over a month since I last held her. I still look for her when I get home from work. My arms feel so empty. I hate coming home knowing she’s not here. I’m just lost without her. I miss her so much. I love you Angel, thank-you for being my best-friend!