my girl Angel 1/16/1997 - 7/12/2013

by Heather
(Tennessee)


with her bear

Angel (“poodle”) 1/16/1997 – 7/12/2013
I cannot believe it ended this way. I lost my girl, Angel, on July 12th. I had no idea that that day would be the last time I would see her alive. I have never known such grief. It’s so hard to focus. She was my kid and best friend.

Angel was a tiny toy poodle that was 4.6 pounds of fearlessness. She was brave and way too smart for her own good. There are so many favorite stories of her that I could write for days! We were always together she and I. We had only been separated about 50 days her whole life – and then she was left with family or my husband. She was half of my heart.

Despite her age, she never stopped acting like herself. She still played with us and loved rolling in blankets straight from the dryer. Other than her eyesight and hearing, she didn’t act like she felt bad or was in any pain.

I had visited my sister that week and had paid a substantial fee to change my flight to return a day earlier. I’m grateful I did that, and regretful I went at all. We decided to take her to the doctor the day I got back because she was being very picky about eating. She had two bloody stools (never had that happened) that morning and when I was cleaning her up she kept falling down in the tub. However – she played and rolled happily when I was blowing drying her. I held her that morning and pretty much kept her in my arms until it was time to take her to the vet. I had adjusted the collar on her shirt and brought along her blanket – which was weird thinking back because I never bring it along, she never stays at the vet. The way there I told her we were going to get her better. The doctor looked at her rattled off half a dozen things that could be causing the lack of appetite and the bloody stools and asked to begin fluids on her. Angel crawled back into my arms and I hugged her and promised her I’d be back to get her. I told her I loved her and told the vet to take care of my girl. About an hour later the vet called to tell me Angel’s heart had stopped and at that point I just screamed and dropped the phone. I just yelled over and over that this is my worst nightmare. I had prayed nightly that God would let me be with Angel when she left. I cannot fathom that this is how our time would end. She died at the vet’s office, her least favorite place in the world and she was away from her mom – the one person that should have been there when she died. I can’t forgive myself for leaving her there. I replay the look on her face and I just... I know I should focus on all the years of happiness we had, but it’s hard to let go. It’s been over a month since I last held her. I still look for her when I get home from work. My arms feel so empty. I hate coming home knowing she’s not here. I’m just lost without her. I miss her so much. I love you Angel, thank-you for being my best-friend!

Comments for my girl Angel 1/16/1997 - 7/12/2013

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Dec 14, 2013
my girl Angel
by: Stephanie

Like you, I lost a dog who was about 16. I felt so sad readying your post. I can only say that my heart bleeds for you and I know how you feel. I feel the same way.

Oct 04, 2013
Love from My Joy Boy
by: Anonymous

My Heart goes out to you...Thank you for sharing your love of Angel with me...I Celebrate my Albert 's Life knowing Jesus is babysitting him so I can fulfill God's Will for my Life until I return Home to join them in heaven.Blessings to you in this time of sorrow and Joy! Maria

Sep 20, 2013
Heather
by: Nadine

Thank you for understanding my loss. Actually, i gave middle names to a few of our cats. There is Daisy Dew and Minnie Tutu, our Russian Blue twins (it would take too long to explain how i came up with them :) Then there is Jasmine Sweetpea, a domestic shorthair. And Hannah Banana, a Siamese mix. I guess one name just isn't enough for me. I think someone said if you give your pets middle names you are too emotionally attached to them. Oh well. Take care. Nadine

Sep 18, 2013
To Wendy Dawn
by: Heather

Wendy,
I am so sorry for your loss of Hollywood! Each day gets a little easier. I still cry daily, but I am able to take to heart words of wisdom from kind people like you and your boyfriend. I feel that you are right in that they only remember the good and I’m sure one day I will be able to let go of the regret. I agree, we do have bonds with them and I think they watch over us. I hope that you too are able to find solace. Thank-you so much for writing. It is very comforting to have someone to share this grief with.

Most sincerely yours,
Heather

Sep 18, 2013
To Nadine
by: Heather

Nadine,
I can't imagine what you went through when Ashley Louise went missing. I am so very sorry. I had not heard of the rainbow bridge before reading your post. That made me cry! (but in a good way.) I think that must be true. I have to agree with what Wendy Dawn said, they are with us in spirit because we have forged a bond with them that will never be broken. Thank-you for writing. I really appreciate your kindness.

P.S.
I love that you gave Ashley a middle name - how incredibly sweet!

Most sincerely yours,

Heather

Sep 14, 2013
I completely understand your grief
by: Wendy Dawn

I too just lost my Hollywood on Sept 10th. I am so heart broken I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning and struggle to make it through the day. Hollywood and I were just like you and your Angel. I have three dogs all of whom I love more than anything in the world and all of them have very distinct personalities. Hollywood was my little mini me. She would drop a treat on the floor if I walked out of the room just to be with me. I spend all of my time with my babies and not having one of them with me I just dont have the words to express the pain. However, my boyfriend had some words for me that I wanted to share with you because although the grief is devastating it's important for people like use to remember some things. There is a world out there that mistreats animals and looks at them as objects not beings with feeling and personalities and more love to give than most humans could ever imagine. We both gave these animals undying love that they would have never have had if we weren't lucky enough to get them and although they may not be with us in the physical world they are with us in the spiritual because we have forged a bond with them that will never be broken. They will never think about little mistakes we made only the wonderful times that we had together.

Sep 14, 2013
my girl Angel
by: Nadine

Yes, our pets are like kids to some of us. some people can't understand that but it's true. I felt the same way about my beloved cat Ashley, that i should have been there with her when she died or got into whatever trouble she encountered. She went missing in May of 2013. I know she would have come home if something hadn't happened to her. I still miss her alot. Sometimes one of our other cats that has really soft fur will rub up against me and it feels just like Ashley's fur. She was my baby girl, my special kitty. I even gave her my middle name, Louise. Ashley Louise. I love the others but not the same way. Let's hope that maybe there really is a place called Rainbow Bridge. Wouldn't it be great to be reunited with our pets again one day? Much love, Nadine

Aug 20, 2013
to Doreen
by: Heather

Thank-you Doreen for you kind words. I know that you are right - eventually I'll be able to let go of the guilt I carry. I'm just having a horrible time adjusting to this new Angel-less life. I will get a journal for her, that is a wonderful idea! Most sincerely,
Heather

Aug 20, 2013
my girl Angel 1/16/2013 - 7/12/2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Heather I am sorry for your loss of your Angel. This is one of the worst aspects of death. The panic and the fear of losing someone from our lives. All those emotions we don't know how to handle. I have had a few and it is not a nice feeling. Neither is the regrets of things we wished we had done better and the choices we made. But this is all part of grief. I think it is part of our humanity to feel this way because of LOVE. In life we always want to do the right thing and say the right thing. But few of us do. Again part of our humanity. WE will make mistakes, live with regrets and have to go on in life without those we love. It is the emptiness, and the loneliness of not having our loved one's come back. It is natural to want our loved one's to live forever and be with us. But this is not a reality, which we soon find out after we start losing people and pets from our life. We then go on to find out how fragile life really is and how short it is. Better to make the most of our times together because they pass all too quickly. You will in time be able to let go of those feelings and guilt that is all part of grief and should disappear as new memories of angel comes into your mind. Keep an Angel journal and write out all your stories with her so that you won't lose any memories and just reading this back will bring you comfort. It is also very therapeutic and Healing.

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