My Girls

by Tonya
(Miami, OK)

My Aunt Karen--who was also one of my closest friends died from ovarian cancer on December 13, 2010. She was 58 years old. My cousin Leanne(Lee)--who was more like a sister died suddenly of unknown causes on February 2, 2011. They were not related but we all teamed up like sisters. Lee was a 5 year survivor of breast cancer herself and only 40 years old.

During my Aunt's battle with cancer Lee was my rock. She went to visit with me, she helped me with my Aunt's last birthday party, she helped me through the weeks following her death. All three of us loved to drive around and visit or just sit looking at the stars discussing our lives. Aunt Karen was ready, she knew that she was going to heaven--she had a personal relationship with God. She was one of the most optimistic and amazing people I have ever met. Having received the news of her cancer almost a year and a half ago the prognosis was dismal as she was already at stage 4. This had no effect on her--she was CONVINCED that she was going to receive a miracle and be healed. Well, she did receive a miracle because she lived much longer than most women with a diagnosis of stage 4 ovarian cancer. She lived long enough to receive two beautiful miracles she called her granddaughters. She saw them as gifts from heaven and was able to watch them to grow for nearly a year before she past. In the last three months of her life she suffered with severe pain, paralysis of her lower extremities and a huge bedsore on her backside. She was miserable which was so awful to watch--Lee was my support system. She tried to keep me positive knowing that she was not suffering anymore and she went to be with the Lord. It had been 6 weeks--I was about ready to stop crying on a daily basis.

On the morning of February 2nd I got the call about Leanne. There was no way I was believing it--she was too young and healthy and for God's sake she had already survived Breast Cancer, an abusive marriage and the loss of her brother only a few years before. Lee and I were raised together. She was only a year older than me--we went to school together from start to finish, played on the same softball, basketball and track teams together. We ran in the same circles our whole lives with the exception of about 10 years after high school when we were both in college and starting our careers. The past 8 years however we were together all the time. We worked together in a rural health clinic--her in the lab and me in nursing. We visited daily and hung out together on the weekends. To say the least WE WERE TIGHT!!! Our kids are friends and are very close in age so we enjoyed many of their activities together as well.

It's been almost a month now and I have been to the lab a total of 2 times and to be quite honest it's a struggle daily to even get up and come to work.

These two women have had such a profound effect on my life that it's difficult to even put into words. They knew everything there was to know about me and I knew all about them. We shared our deepest thoughts, ideas, dreams and emotions with one another. I've never laughed harder than when we were together and I've never loved harder.

The smallest things remind me of a moment, a time that we shared together and suddenly I'm breaking down. Does this ever get easier?

Comments for My Girls

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Mar 15, 2013
My bestFriend/Sister
by: Christina

Last Nov 21st my brother told me he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with mets to his liver. Prognosis very poor. The following week my sister and best friend was supposed to go in for a gallbladder removal and the operation was aborted because of tumor around her common bile duct. Two days latere we were told she had less than 6 months to live. Today she was started on phenobarbitol and will probably pass this week. My mother who turns 90 this week just told me my Dad who is 92 and has dementia has been put in hospice. How can this be? What do I do? My beloved sister's name in Karin. How does one survive this even with God;s help? I prayed today that God would send special angels to be with Sis. My brother is on chemo but not good outcome. Please offer help of how to get thru this.

Mar 15, 2011
6 weeks
by: Tonya

Well it's been six weeks now and I don't feel any better. Everyday getting out of bed is a chore, I can't focus at work and I feel like I'm just lost. All I want to do is sleep--maybe it'll be over when I wake up. Started on anti-depressants last week--nothing yet.

Lee's little brother is getting married in May they asked me to take her place as the maid of honor. Yes this is a great honor but to tell you the truth I just can't get motivated to focus on my duties as such. How can I fill my sister's shoes in this way....and at the same time how can I not? Today I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying myself to sleep.

I went in the lab today--I was OK until I went to the back--where she used to work most of the time. All of sudden I felt a wave of anxiety all over my body. I just feel very lost without her.

Feb 27, 2011
I'M SORRY
by: Anonymous

I offer my deepest sympathy to you. In a way I
know how you feel. In 2009, I lost my mother, and was somewhere between here and an unknown
place of deep grief, when I found out my brother
was dying. In a year, I lost them both. I quit
going anywhere, I don't get dressed, I rarely cook, I quit living. My life completely stopped.
Someday, we'll be okay. Take care, and God bless you.

Feb 26, 2011
We're all Here
by: TrishJ

Tonya~
WOW ~ you have been through a lot. Grief is something that it takes a very strong person to overcome. I lost my husband several months ago and my life has been literally turned upside down. To lose two such wonderful people in such a short period of time is more than the average person could deal with. You are entitled to feel very lost and a little bit angry. We're only human.

Don't try to go through your grief alone. This is a beautiful web site and there are a lot of wonderful caring people here. Write your thoughts, vent, get angry. Everyone here is going through the same thing ~ the loss of a loved one. God Bless.

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