My Giving Mother

by Rachel

My whole Mother's life was centered around mine. I am an only child. She would do anything to make me happy and this extended to my 2 daughters. She always thought of everyone but herself, and her own health. She didn't take care of herself. She suffered first from depression, and also from type II diabetes, a stroke, renal failure.... and last month went into the ICU for trouble breathing. She progressed and moved to rehab, where we thought she would continue to improve. To my shock and disbelief, I got a call at 1am from my dad that my mom had passed away. That phone conversation was a blur and I went blank. I remember driving to my parents house at 4am that morning and seeing the fog lifting. I thought that maybe this was a sign that my mom was finally at peace after being in pain for so many years. I thought I was coping okay, but now I just feel a huge void in my life. The pain is unbearable. There is so much silence and everything is so permanent. She was so giving and I took her generosity for granted. I didn't push her enough to take care of herself. I wish I had done more and I want one last talk with her to tell her how much I love and appreciate her. I am not very open with my feelings and never had this kind of heartfelt talk with her. She was such a wonderful person, but her self esteem was so low. I wish she had confidence to see how great she was and, I wish she didn't sell herself short and give up. I wish I had had the courage to say all of this to her while she was alive. Why didn't I take the chance while I still had it? The only thing I don't regret is that I made sure to bring my 2 daughters to see her as much as possible in the last 3 years, because she just loved them more than anything in the world. My mom was only 61, and I am 33. We will have so many missed moments together but I am glad she was there for my wedding and got to know her 2 little legacies, my daughters.

Comments for My Giving Mother

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Sep 28, 2014
Hi Rachel, I need your help!
by: Jennie

Please click on "The Grief Club" button on the left for access to the new Forum. We want to keep this great online grief resource going and need your help! Please re-post this or put a new submission there. All your friends are waiting...

Hi Judith from California, Pat from Green Bay, and Anonymous MI:

Could you please contact me via "Contact Us" button to the left? I need your help for the transition. Thanks so much!

Sep 16, 2014
My Giving Mother
by: Jane

Dear Rachel, you still can tell your mom everything you want. She is in your heart and feels everything you feel and can hear all you think and say. You can take your Chance now. Talk to her, or write a letter, or take a picture of your Mom put on a candle and tell her everything which is still on your heart. She can hear it, and sees all your tears. The tears of a big, great love. I was thinking the same way like you are, but if our Mom´s could hold us now in there arms, they would do it. They don´t want that we feeling guilty now the rest of our life. They love us and want us to see happy again. Well, the grief belongs now to our life too. It is a new part of us. But we all will learn to live with it. It is a realy worse time, but one day you will see, that in this time you are learning a lot and your self is changing. I am going now to a voice Trainer, because after they took off my thryroid I have get much Problems to talk and to sing. It feels like my mom would sing with me. Sure the grieving waves are still coming, so I accept the tears and the crying of my missing Mom. It just belongs to me now. I have to learn to accept this new part of me. Rachel all what your Mom wishes is, that her daughter is happy one day again. She is still loving you. Don´t think, I should have do this, or I should have done that, and so on. My Mom had told me, than your time is over on this earth, you have to go by your self. But with the death of the others we have to live with. I pray that God will take care off you and for all of here. Much love Jane.

Sep 16, 2014
My Giving Mother
by: Doreen UK

Rachel it is so good that you can remember the things you did do to make your mom happy in those last 3 years. One of which was to let her see her two granddaughters. No use beating yourself up for what you wished you could have done. Life happens and we often get taken off in detours and don't get to do the things we wanted to. We all go through this assault which is an aspect of grief. Mom's have big hearts of giving. It is what they do expecting nothing in return. Now you are a Mom you will realise this more and more how a mother will always put the needs of her family before her own. You will find strength and courage to go on in life as you nurture your children. It is sad to say that we will all lose someone in our lives one day. The grief experience is so hard and very painful like nothing we have experienced before. The healing is so very slow, but know that healing will take place in time. WE don't suffer grief forever. Life would then become intolerable. I am sorry for your loss of your Mom

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