My Giving Mother
My whole Mother's life was centered around mine. I am an only child. She would do anything to make me happy and this extended to my 2 daughters. She always thought of everyone but herself, and her own health. She didn't take care of herself. She suffered first from depression, and also from type II diabetes, a stroke, renal failure.... and last month went into the ICU for trouble breathing. She progressed and moved to rehab, where we thought she would continue to improve. To my shock and disbelief, I got a call at 1am from my dad that my mom had passed away. That phone conversation was a blur and I went blank. I remember driving to my parents house at 4am that morning and seeing the fog lifting. I thought that maybe this was a sign that my mom was finally at peace after being in pain for so many years. I thought I was coping okay, but now I just feel a huge void in my life. The pain is unbearable. There is so much silence and everything is so permanent. She was so giving and I took her generosity for granted. I didn't push her enough to take care of herself. I wish I had done more and I want one last talk with her to tell her how much I love and appreciate her. I am not very open with my feelings and never had this kind of heartfelt talk with her. She was such a wonderful person, but her self esteem was so low. I wish she had confidence to see how great she was and, I wish she didn't sell herself short and give up. I wish I had had the courage to say all of this to her while she was alive. Why didn't I take the chance while I still had it? The only thing I don't regret is that I made sure to bring my 2 daughters to see her as much as possible in the last 3 years, because she just loved them more than anything in the world. My mom was only 61, and I am 33. We will have so many missed moments together but I am glad she was there for my wedding and got to know her 2 little legacies, my daughters.