My grandad

by Kathlinev

My mum and dad died in a car crash when I was 11 . So I went to live with my grandad whom was divorced. after the crash my grandad was very supportive as I had traumatic memories from the horrific crash I had to witness but after about a year my grandad became very sad and out of it and doctors said he had very suvire depression and about 3months later after hardly any help he committed suicide I'm only 15 now and still feel the pain of my parents passing and now the worry that I could have prevented my grandads suicide ... I live in a care home and wish I had done something that would have helped someone .....as I am to blame of everything

Comments for My grandad

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Aug 10, 2013
Don't worry
by: Anonymous

I haven't ever been what you've been through and I'm sorry to here that you lost your parents then your grandfather but don't worry it wasn't your fault your grandfather obviously was heartbroken that his son or daughter passed in a car accident I hope you stay strong!!

Jul 25, 2013
no blame
by: Anonymous

Kathlinev, thank you for sharing your experience. I hope that writing is giving you some measure of relief of understanding. I know that it does that for some people. I just wanted to reinforce what the previoous commentor said. You are certainly not to blame. You could not have does anything at all. You had a terrible loss and your granddad tried to do his best for you. It seems like the grief must have just knocked him over very hard, that type of grief on top of having depression, or being predisposed to depression can be too much at times. I have read a lot to suggest in addition to your family loss circumstances that elderly people, particularly single ones are at severe risk for having bad outcomes with depression and just for having depression period. You being in your granddad's life with him, might have been the one joy he had, even if it came to him in a tragic circumstance. Sometimes, there is just nothing that can soothe the pain of a suicidal person. Even the very best psychiatrists in the world often fail to help some severely depressed patients find relief.
Time does help. People always say that time heals. That is a huge expectation. I think time helps and gives some relief and perspective. I don't know that, time-alone does a super good job of healing. I really hope that you are able to reach out to people in your surroundings to talk to. If they don't want to listen, tell them you really need to talk, or find someone else, until someone listens. I had a major lost as a teen and let myself fall into a long deep dark rut. I almost did not want to get out. I felt a lot of guilt. I almost felt on some level like I should not bee allowed to smile, or to be light hearted, the most important in my life dies and my family totally fell apart. Guilt and blame was all over the place. I was too quiet, to reserved, to shy, to stubborn, to reach out to others, to go to ask for professional help, to ask for help from peers. I made my life worse and wasted a long period of life. I came on this site now, because I was just trying to get some perspective about my little boy who is grieving a loss and needs some extra support outside of his uncool mom. I just stumbled on this site. I am not a young person having just recently lost a grandparent. I lost my mom very young, then my dad, still far to young. I read your post and just felt like I had to tell you what I hope other people have already made you believe. Please, do not blame your self at all. Your job as a kid/teen is to be nurtured.

May 30, 2013
My grandad
by: Doreen U.K.

Kathlinev You are not to blame for the death of your grandfather. You were so young and still needing nurturing from an adult who was your grandfather. Concentrate on your own feelings of loss and not what you should have done. This is just part of grief to feel guilty. It should pass in time. YOu have lost 3 significant people from your life and you need someone to care for you and to nurture and mentor you.
There is nothing you could have done for your grandfather. Depression is a medical condition that needs to be monitored and well supported and this is the job of your grandfather's doctor. I have suffered severe depression for over 40yrs. and I know what it feels like. I was fortunate to find an excellent psychologist/counsellor who gave me back my life. Otherwise I would have died also. My nephew suffered severe depression and he threw himself in front of an express train 6yrs. ago. Depression needs specialised care and support. A close family member often cannot help the depressed person but can be affected by that depression. Just make sure that you get the support you need. Try and see a grief counsellor to help you work through your grief and loss of the 3 most significant people you have lost from your very young life. You need a lot of love and attention. You say you are in a care home? How do you feel about this? Don't you have any siblings or aunts, or uncles who could have cared for you? Write back and let us know on this site how you are doing and what more support we can offer you. I am sorry for your loss of your mom and dad and your grandfather.

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