My granddad

by Beth
(England )

I can't really remember my granddad not being ill. He has always had Parkinson disease this meant that he was slow at walking and pretty much everything, he was always weak and tired and over the years me and my whole family have watched him disintegrate from the man he was before the disease. I know that lots of families deal with illnesses and that I am not alone in that sense but it was hard watching someone you love so ill and knowing that he was so weak that even a common cold could kill him and not knowing if he would live long enough for me to see him again. On the 23rd of December 2011 he died after being admitted to hospital a week before hand after experiencing a stroke. This was the first time my family have really experienced any kind of tragedy, his diagnoses was the worst thing to ever happen to us. It was a very strange Christmas, even tho Christmas is a time of being with family, friends and enjoyment and it was but there was a strange feeling throughout the whole holidays. I am not really sure why i am writing this, it is the first time I have ever really talked about it and I am not even talking I am typing. I don't know. It is coming up to the anniversary of his death and I haven't stopped thinking about him all year. I don't know is it is normal for me to still feel like I have only just lost him. I miss him everyday and loved him lots.

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Dec 18, 2012
My grandad
by: Doreen U.K.

Beth WELCOME. To this site. Don't question why you are writing. You are expressing how you feel about your grandad and how his death has left you feeling. There is nothing wrong in this. In fact you are doing the right thing by writing about this. You are talking by writing. This is more therapeutic sometimes than talking. You are still being heard and supported.
It is coming up to the anniversary of your grandad's death and this will be an especially difficult time for you to process so much that has happened throughout this first year of your loss. I lost my husband to cancer 7 months ago. My husband only faced two very serious illnesses in his whole life. ENCEHPALITIS. And MESOTHELIOMA. (lung cancer caused by asbestos) Both of these were serious illnesses and he lost his life to the cancer. My husband was ill from 2005 to 2012. It is a very difficult battle to go through. You are only now feeling the strain of those years. It is almost as if we are unwinding as people and feeling more. We can only face each battle as it arises each day. But when we have let things pile up and haven't been able to express this. We will feel overwhelmed by it all. Take it slowly and give yourself time to process everything and if you need to go and get support from CRUSE Bereavement this will make you feel better with the support.

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