My Grandma and Uncle in the span of 2 months
(Brisbane, QLD, Australia)
Sep 29th (My Wife's b.day)+ Oct 6th 2010 So where do I start - mmm ... lets c at the beginning of the year my cousin had told me that my grandma was giving up on life. So at that point I decided that I had to go and visit her. I had only been married the previous year and as she wouldn't get on a plane - she missed my wedding. Anyway my holiday was planned for September.
All was set, accommodation, flights were booked and so was the catch up with her and my auntie - an hour after we landed - perfect all done. Then 11 days previous to that the phone call came - 3:05pm - my grandma had a heart attack. Re-sused but okay. In the ICU unit - 2 days later - the next phone call - 3pm Fri she had passed away peacefully. Funeral the following Thursday. Flights booked and here we go.
I spoke at the funeral - bloody hard that but I had to do it and felt better for it. Now I listen to her favorite song and re-read those words. Then I got told that she had stopped taking her medication the same as my grandfather had done 6 years previous - now do I call that suicide or ... Just wanted to go I guessed. That I had to accept. Hard not to c her that 1 last time.
Then 6 weeks to the day my uncle had a massive heart attack and died on the spot. My flights booked again. Another funeral - now that was hard - 2 funerals within 2 months. I chose not to speak at his funeral. Yet both of their fave songs played at their funerals I find myself listening to over and over again thanx to u-tube. I find that my pain with the loss of my grandma has hit me the hardest as I now realise that no longer have any grandparents left. My xmas ritual was to ring my grandma now that has gone. I find my day 2 day work is not the easiest as I work in a hospital. I find I want to cry a lot especially when I'm at work. Or when I c people who look like grandparents - that brings a tear to my eye frequently.
I have a photo of my grandparents on the tv and at times I can look at that and be okay and then other times I'm a wreck. Both my relatives died on a Friday - so I count up the number of weeks since they have passed. Feel sad again. I have people at my work who say to me that I'm not myself. I have to explain over and over again - 9 weeks for my Grandma - 3 weeks for my Uncle. They say sorry didn't know - yeah thanx but that doesn't heal the pain.
I wondered if they could come back would I want that and go thru the pain of losing them again. I don't think I could or want that. Even if I could. Somebody said 2 me that death is a part of life - yes it is, but would they want to hear that when the passing of somebody they were close to dies. I doubt it.
I found it hard to picture my grandparents and uncle all standing together in heaven. Wonder if they have passed on or are still waiting for the rest of us. As I sensed my Grandfather waited for my Grandmother to join him. I heard someone talking about the loss of their fiancée and they said some days it's like they died yesterday and then other days it feels like they died some time ago. I can relate to that. In the worst of the grief it does feel like only yesterday - especially on Fridays - it feels like that day. Then other days you know it was weeks ago.
I just feel like that My Grandma and Uncle have it easier as they are watching us and we are grieving for them. The knowing that we will never to get 2 c them again. Talk to them or anything that you do when people are alive. Now we talk to air and wish that they hear us when we speak without any answer back. We wish for any sign that they are still with us but we don't get 1.
Maybe in part wishing that they were still with us in life so even in death - they are not touchable or can answer us but in part - still with us in a different way. To a part as the movies portrays it but no it is reality and they have gone. We go thru the pain of the loss of never being to c them again but in time we have to accept that and some people don't. Accept that we are never to c them again is not an easy thing to do in any sense.
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